How to Encourage Visitation When Your Child Doesn't Want to Go

Make any minor changes that will make your child feel better, explain the importance of visitation and then stick to your guns about following the schedule.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Remember that you are the parent and you are in charge. You have been ordered by the court to follow a schedule. If you do not, you are in violation.

2. Talk to your child about why he or she does not want to go on visitation. Sometimes it is a simple problem, such as the child not wanting to sleep without a favorite blanket.

3. Make any small, reasonable adjustments that will make the child feel more comfortable.

4. Consider any larger problems the child brings up, such as disliking spending school nights away from the custodial home. Think about whether the child's concerns are valid and what can be done in response to them. Maybe it isn't a good idea to have visitation on school nights if it really is throwing the child off.

5. Allow the child to have phone contact with the other parent during visitation. This helps to ease separation anxiety.

6. Explain to the child that he or she has two parents and that each deserves to be part of the child's life. Emphasize that both parents love the child and that you both believe visitation is important.

7. Look at how the custodial parent feels about and reacts to visitation. If you are the custodial parent, do you resent visitation? Do you wish it didn't have to happen? Do you feel jealous when your child is with the other parent? Your child may be picking up on your feelings. It is your responsibility to encourage your child to go on visitation without guilt. If you are not the custodial parent, analyze how the custodial parent treats visitation. Find a time to discuss these feelings and try to agree to keep negative feelings under wraps.

8. Know that all children, at one time or another, resist visitation, just as they resist cleaning their rooms or turning off the TV. The resistance does not necessarily mean that there is something horrible occurring during visitation. As a parent, you have to find a way to make your child observe the rules.

9. Make sure that your child takes all necessary items along on visitation. Missing homework, stuffed animals or pajamas can make the situation worse.

10. Be sure your child is not missing out on school or sports activities to go on visitation. This can foster resentment. If activities are scheduled during visitation, that parent can take the child to the activity.

Tips & Warnings

• Believe that your child needs contact with both parents to grow up mentally and emotionally healthy.
• Remember that children do not get to choose everything for themselves and that they must learn to follow rules. Visitation is one thing that children must comply with whether they like it or not.
• If you suspect there is something dangerous or harmful occurring during visitation, call the police, call your child protective agency or file a petition in court to modify the visitation.

[mikeinky]

on 10/9/2008 I have a child but the mother has not let me see her unless she( the mom ) feels it will make me ( the dad ) feel like it is a favor she would be doing for me.
and this has been going on for all the time we have been devorced, I have not seen my daughter since her 10th birthday....she is going to be 13 this october.
although I am a little behind on support...like 4000...when i was not working...and now I am not employed again...so I am worried that I would be put in jail if I put up a fight....i also take care of my mother who is in a wheelchair...so she needs me as well...I also dont drive as I lost my dl.
I live in louisville ky.