How to Deal With a Negative Partner

A spouse's negativity can cause serious relationship problems if it's not dealt with.

Nothing ruins a great day like coming home to a partner who's always complaining. Negative partners can sap your emotional energy and even cause serious relationship problems. Communicating with your partner is one way to deal with negativity, but most of the time your partner will not change completely -- if he is used to dealing with things by complaining, he will probably continue to do that despite your best efforts. However, you can take steps to decrease negativity in your relationship and help yourself learn to ignore it.

Instructions

1. Realize that your partner's negativity is not personal. Much of the time, a partner is negative because that's how she approaches life, not because she has a desire to depress you.

2. Express your feelings. Communicate to your partner that his negativity affects your emotional state, too. If you don't speak with your partner, your resentment may build until it becomes a serious problem in your relationship.

3. Respond positively to your partner's negativity. If she likes to point out all the bad things in life, answer by pointing out the good things. This will put you in a better mood, and it may improve your partner's mood too.

4. Agree with your partner to set aside a certain activity or time of day when no complaints are allowed. You can even make a game of it -- tell your partner he owes you a favor or a date if he breaks the rules. Having a time to let your guard against negativity down can help refuel you.

5. Listen to your partner. Some people need to vent or complain to their partners in order to feel better about their lives. If this is the case, you could also set aside a time for venting, such as when you get home from work.

6. Encourage your partner to drop whatever subject she is dwelling on when things get too negative. Help her forget her problems by doing things together, such as going on a date or watching a movie. You know your partner best, so think about what makes her happy and add more of it to your lives.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't respond to your partner's negative actions by nagging or becoming negative yourself, tempting as it may be.

• Don't coddle your partner, as this can unwittingly encourage him to be negative.

References

• Successful Together: Dealing With a Negative Partner
• Sandy Kumskov: Five Ways to Deal With Negative People
• Emotional Times: How to Connect With a Negative Partner