How to Establish Relationship Boundaries
Many couples establish boundaries in their relationships for numerous reasons. Boundaries are guidelines that help couples protect themselves and each other, and help preserve each person's individualism, integrity and feelings. People who set boundaries must realize that it is OK to say "no" to others. By developing a set of boundaries, you can avoid feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by many things, including overextending yourself or feeling like people are taking advantage of you.
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Instructions
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Examine your life. If you feel frustrated or overwhelmed, you probably need to establish a set of boundaries. Setting boundaries will help you prioritize your life and keep it operating smoothly. It will also help you avoid being too busy and feeling used or overwhelmed by others.
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Determine areas in which you need boundaries. For example, if your child's school calls you to volunteer often and you cannot bring yourself to say no because of guilt or other reasons, you may need a boundary. In this example, set a boundary that limits the amount of time you agree to volunteer. If volunteering once a week is really what you want and can fit into your schedule, then set this boundary and stick with it.
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Convince yourself that boundaries are important. Develop a list of necessary boundaries, keeping yourself in mind. Realize that you can be better at things when you are not overwhelmed by them. Set your boundaries up in a way that allows time for you and your family and friends. Remember what your top priorities in life are and recognize that other people's feelings are not always more important than your own.
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Learn to say no. After you have examined your relationships and established some boundaries, learn to say no. If, for example, you have established a boundary to meet a friend for lunch only once a week, and two friends call you for lunch dates, postpone meeting the second friend until a future date. Be respectful and kind, yet explain that you cannot have lunch this week due to time restraints; however, you would love to see her next week. Stick with your decisions and do not feel bad or guilty for saying no.
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Analyze your boundaries. Periodically, look at your list and determine if these boundaries are still applicable. If they need to be readjusted, change them. Keep encouraging yourself to stick with them and you will most likely begin to notice the difference they make in your life.
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References
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