How to Deal With Stepmothers

You can deal with your stepmother by being friends and understanding her point of view.

Many Americans have blended families -- over 30 million children live with a stepparent, according to the ABC TV program, "Good Morning America." Ann Pleshette Murphy, parenting expert, says that portrayals of stepfamilies are not realistic on TV, since the new structure dramatically changes the way families relate to each other. As a child or teen in a blended family, you may struggle with building a relationship with your stepmother and adjusting to new family dynamics such as a different discipline style. You can learn coping strategies to help you deal with your stepmother.

Instructions

1. Think of your stepmother as a friend and someone that your father loves. Understand that your stepmother is not there to replace your mother and it can take a long time to build a relationship with your stepmother.

2. Ask your dad to have a meeting with the family so that you can share what you expect from your stepmother, if possible, when your blended family is starting to form. Make sure that the new setup designed by your dad and stepmother does not interfere with your relationship with your mom.

3. Encourage your dad to be the one to start the changes in the blended family. Changes often come in small steps. Ask him to continue family rituals like fun activities that make you feel stable and secure.

4. Accept that it can be difficult to have a new stepmother in your life, especially if you have lived in a single-parent home for a long time. Many children struggle to give up the idea that their parents will get back together.

5. Expect that your stepmother will make a lot of mistakes at first if she does not have children of her own. Be patient. If you fight with her, it will cause stress for your dad and your stepmother and tension at home.

6. Try to understand your stepmother's point of view, even if you disagree with it. If your stepmother feels you are listening to her and understand her way of thinking, the problems in your relationship with your stepmother can be healed.

7. Treat your stepmother with respect and speak normally to her. Don't ignore her, purposely try to hurt her or withdraw from her.

8. Respect the boundaries your parents set. Your father and stepmother set limits because they love you and feel that you are worthy of their time and attention. Expect that your dad and stepmom will work together to set boundaries and that after time your stepmother may start enforcing limits.

References

• ABC Good Morning America: Blended Families Face Unique Challenges; Kevin Dolak, 2010
• Student.com: Dealing With A New Stepmother Or Stepfather
• Help Guide.org: Guide to Step-Parenting and Blended Families, 2001

Resources

• Blended-Families.com