How to Build a Relationship With Your Mother-in-Law

Let your mother-in-law know that you love both her and your spouse deeply.

When you get married, you most likely acquire a mother-in-law. It's important early in your marriage to begin building a relationship with her, because likely she will be involved in many aspects of your life. Because she is your spouse's mother, you should always treat her with respect and keep a positive attitude about her and in her presence.

Instructions

1. Be kind to your spouse. Your mother-in-law's primary concern in this relationship is the well-being of her child. It may take time for her to notice your kindness, but after a while, your mother-in-law will appreciate the loving care with which you treat her child.

2. Avoid bad-mouthing your spouse. Never say anything bad or negative about your spouse to your mother-in-law. If a problem occurs, you can tell her about it, but avoid directing too much negativity at your spouse. Your mother-in-law might become defensive and upset, even if your spouse did something wrong.

3. Establish healthy boundaries. Boundaries are important in every relationship. Talk to your spouse about developing a healthy set of boundaries to prevent trouble. For example, one healthy boundary might be to ask that she call before visiting your home.

4. Give your spouse time with your mother-in-law. Encourage your spouse to maintain a relationship with her that does not involve your being present with them all the time. Encourage him to discuss issues with her while they are alone or take her out to lunch without you.

5. Compliment her. If she does something nice that you appreciate, let her know. Give sincere compliments when she earns them.

6. Take an interest in her. Reach out to your mother-in-law and show interest in her life and activities. Ask about her life and the activities in which she is involved, and acknowledge the value of her involvement in these aspects of her life. Let her know that you are happy to be a part of her family.

7. Invite her over. Ask your mother-in-law to come for dinner or to meet you for lunch. This will help her know that you like her and want to be involved in her life.

8. Ignore the small stuff. Some mothers-in-law share their opinion on everything. If she is like this, ignore the little comments that really do not mean anything. Avoid letting her opinions on things upset you.

References

• Grandparents.com; Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law: Rules of the Game; Barbara Graham