How to Deal With a Bully at a Play Date

If your child is being bullied, deal with it promptly and assertively.

Not every play date is a "Lord of the Flies" moment waiting to happen, but it's best to be prepared when bullying behavior raises its ugly head. Assertively and openly dealing with the issue will benefit both your child and the bully. It will reduce the stress in your child's life, and you'll open the door for the bully to find a better way of relating to peers. Teach these lessons early and often, and they will serve your children well as they work and play with others throughout their lives.

Instructions

1. Separate the children. Put the bully in time-out. Point out to the bully the specific behavior that led to his being placed in time-out, and explain that the behavior is inappropriate.

2. Tell the bully's parents what happened, and ask them to address it with their child. Avoid accusatory or insulting language. Instead, describe the bully's behavior in concrete, specific terms.

3. Encourage your child to stand up to the bully. Don't encourage retaliation; your child shouldn't respond to having a toy stolen or being hit by stealing a toy or hitting back. Your child probably will need to stand up to a bully and push back only once for the message to be received. This becomes especially important if the bully's parents take their child's side.

4. Set a good example for your child. If you see a bully forcibly take a toy from your child, for instance, walk over and take the toy away from the bully. Remain calm; don't lose your temper. Explain to the bully that your child was playing with the toy. Show the bully other toys he can play with.

References

• "Parenting"; How to Handle Preschool Bullies; Deborah Carpenter
• "Parenting"; Big Bullies; Trisha Thompson