How to Deal With Moving in With Strict Relatives

Moving in with relatives as an adult can try everyone's patience.

Tough economic times mean more young adults are having to move back in with Mom and Dad after a period of living away from home. Whether you are a recent college graduate unable to find a job, or have been laid off, moving back into your parents' house can be a way to save money on rent until you can afford to get back out on your own. It also can prove challenging as you strive to hold onto you independence while Mom and Dad try to maintain control of the adult child who is once again living under their roof.

Instructions

1. Set up ground rules. Will the child be paying rent, and if so, how much? Decide together on rules about job searching, house guests, chores and going out. Be specific. Each side should be willing to bend a little. The young adult should pull his own weight with household chores and be actively looking for work. In turn, his parents should accept that they cannot have as strict a hold on their child's social life as they did when he was a teenager.

2. Make a contract. Write down the rules you have decided upon, and have everyone in the house sign it. If conflicts arise, refer to the contract to decide how to proceed.

3. Give everyone privacy. Remember that this situation is hard for everyone: the adult child who must relinquish her newfound independence; and the parents, whose life she is suddenly an everyday part of again. Make sure each family member has a space that is completely his own, such as her bedroom. If family members have some breathing room and a space to calm down in, there will be fewer arguments.

4. Make routines and stick to them. If everyone knows dinner is at 7, it will be easier to communicate ahead of time whether you will be home for it.

5. Decide whether the parents will enforce a time limit on their child living at home. They may employ this tactic if they feel their adult child is not doing enough around the house or is not trying hard enough to find a job. Be realistic, and refer back to your contract to determine what needs to be changed and how.

References

• Living With Relatives
• When Generations Share Space
• Dealing With Difficult Relatives