How to Deal With Being a Loner

Don't let yourself miss out on an exciting life because of your fears

If you're a loner, you may have a difficult time making friends or interacting with others in social situations. You may also struggle with negative thinking. One of the best ways to build self-confidence and get comfortable in the midst of others is to change your negative thinking to realistic thinking. For instance, when you walk in to a social gathering do not assume that everybody will judge harshly. Instead, realize that some people may be thrilled to see you and some may not.

Instructions

1. Develop some hobbies. You will be more likely to make lasting friendships if you have regular encounters with people who share the same values and passions as you. One of the best ways to discover your passion is by developing a hobby. Think about activities you enjoy and do them often and with other people. Even if an activity is solitary in nature, you can always share your work or passion with others. For instance, if you write poetry, join a poetry club and meet other like-minded people there.

2. Raise your self-esteem. Many people are loners because they have low self-esteem. Loners are often hypercritical of themselves and others, and assume that other people are the same way. To overcome your tendency to be a loner, work on improving your self-esteem. You can boost your self-esteem by being kind and forgiving to yourself, allowing yourself make mistakes or look stupid, embodying whatever values you most deeply cherish, comparing yourself to your past performances instead of to others, and setting simple, realistic goals and working hard to accomplish them.

3. See a counselor or therapist. If you can afford it, see a counselor or therapist to figure out why you are a loner and what you can do to help yourself be more comfortable in social situations. Therapists are skilled at counseling people and helping them improve their lives no matter what how big or small their problems might seem.

4. Embrace yourself the way you are. Being a loner may not necessarily be a detriment if you don't see it as one. Spending time alone and being different from others is what helps you develop your own identity, opinion, quirks, likes and dislikes, and general attitude towards life. Being a loner only becomes a problem if you feel it is depriving you from enjoying life the way you ought to. If you are uncomfortable being a loner, you can certainly develop or improve your social skills.

Tips & Warnings

• Join a club where you can interact with people who share the same interests, passions, or needs that you do.

• For more tips on boosting your self-esteem, check out and read self-esteem books from your local library.

• Challenge yourself by introducing yourself to a few people whenever you enter into a social environment. You may increase the number as you develop more confidence.

• If you have difficulty keeping up conversations with people, ask them about themselves. The more open-ended your questions, the longer they will likely talk and the more possibilities for conversation you open up. For example, ask questions like "How are you doing?" "What's new with you?" and "Any plans for the weekend?" to spark conversation.

References

• California Institute of Technology Counseling Center: Building Social Confidence; Maria Oh
• Nicholls State University Counseling Center: Improving Self-Esteem