How to Deal With a Domineering Woman
It is one thing for a woman to be strong and assertive; it is another thing for her to exhibit unhealthy patterns of control in relationships. If you are currently interacting with a domineering woman on a regular basis, you need to confront her and set up some firm boundaries. A domineering woman might be acting out of hurt, or she could be unaware that she is behaving in a controlling manner. Tact and honesty are therefore essential during your initial confrontation.
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Instructions
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Write out a list of specific instances in which you feel the woman in question behaved in a controlling, domineering manner. Avoid descriptions like, "You were bossy yesterday at the water cooler," as this is a subjective statement. Use concrete, impersonal descriptions like, "Yesterday at the water cooler you told me to return to my desk, even though you don't have the authority to give me that order. Your face was red and you jabbed me with your finger."
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Schedule an appointment with the domineering woman. Tell her that you appreciate her role in your life, and compliment one of her finest virtues. Inform her that you feel like you need to address some of the domineering behaviors you believe she is exhibiting. Read your list of specific incidents to the woman, asking her to save her feedback until the list is fully read. Request that she listen with an open heart, and offer to do the same when she responds to the list after it is read.
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Tell the domineering woman that the dynamic in your relationship needs to change. Ask her to work with you to set ground rules for your relationship. If she is unwilling, set them yourself. Some good boundaries to set up include: do not force any given opinion on me more than once, do not order me to do anything you do not have authority to command, and mind your own business instead of trying to micro-manage every detail of my life.
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Let the woman know that in the future, you will be confronting her in the moment if you feel she is being domineering. Inform her that if the behavior continues, you will need to distance yourself from the relationship until changes are made. If the domineering woman is a co-worker, tell her that you might need to report the behavior to your manager if the situation is not remedied.
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Reinforce the relationship by thanking the woman in question for meeting with you. Tell her that you value her and your relationship.
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Tips & Warnings
Stick to your guns and confront bad behaviors immediately. You might be tempted to let the first few domineering behaviors slide after a big confrontation. This is a mistake, as it tells the woman that these specific behaviors are OK.
Take an assertiveness training course if you tend to cave in the presence of a domineering woman. This will help you stand your ground and set firm limits.
Do not engage in arguing with a domineering woman; this is her playground and the situation will only escalate. Simply remain firm with your boundaries and refuse to justify the limits you have set. They are your personal boundaries in the relationship -- period.
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Resources
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