How to Deal With an Upset Spouse

Effective communicating can prevent issues from becoming overblown.

Pat Benatar sang that "love is a battlefield." While that may not always be true, there is no doubt that marriage involves a lot of compromise and conflict resolution for it to last for any length of time. An angry spouse can become a daily problem if you're both not effective at communicating with each other and respecting each other's needs. While the methods for dealing with an angry spouse vary depending on that person's specific personality, you can never go wrong with listening and showing your spouse that you care.

Instructions

1. Listen to what your spouse has to say. Just the act of paying attention and truly listening to your spouse can often begin to diffuse the situation.

2. Empathize with your spouse as much as you can and try to see your spouse's point of view. Even if you disagree with the viewpoint, you will be more likely to reach an effective solution or compromise if you understand why your spouse is upset.

3. Apologize to your spouse if you are sincerely sorry. A false apology will do you no favors but a sincere one can help mend fences.

4. Speak to your spouse in a calm tone of voice and make it clear that you are listening and understand what is being said. Yelling is more likely to prompt more yelling so keep your tone as civil and respectful as possible.

5. Suggest ways the issue in question can be resolved. If you both can agree on a path to move forward, your spouse's anger should dissipate so long as you hold up your end of the agreement.

6. Talk about trying couples therapy if you or your spouse are angry on a regular basis. If angry arguments become the norm instead if the exception, a therapist may be able to help you both deal with anger before it destroys your marriage.

Tips & Warnings

• Leave the situation if things are in danger of escalating or becoming violent. Go calm down somewhere else and then revisit the discussion once you've both regained your tempers.

References

• Relationship Matters; How to Deal With a Partner Who Procrastinates; Offra Gerstein, Ph.D.; March 2005
• Marital Healing; The Angry Spouse/Relative; Richard Fitzgibbons
• Self Growth; How To Deal With Angry People: A Survival Guide; Dr. Tony Fiore

Resources

• YouTube: Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield