How to Ask Him to Commit Without Driving Him Away

Your man may be afraid of commitment, so be thoughtful when you speak to him.

You may be ready for a commitment from your boyfriend, but it may not be easy to come right out and ask him to commit. However, if you play games with his mind and heart to make him jealous, this can backfire and cause you to lose the love of your life. Be brave and have a heart-to-heart talk so he knows about your intention.

Instructions

1. Prepare your boyfriend for the talk. Tell him you need to have a serious discussion, and ask him to sit with you so you can talk together. Turn the TV off so you don't lose his attention. Do the same with laptops, cellphones and other devices.

2. Tell your boyfriend how much you appreciate him and that you enjoy his company and spending time together. Elaborate on other positives. If you complain about his faults, he will most likely tune you out.

3. Tell him what you want from him, and be direct about it so it is clear. State that you really love him and want the relationship to progress to another level, such as becoming exclusive, moving in together or marrying.

4. Ask for his feedback so he can respond. Find out if he feels the same way. If he states he is not ready, ask for reasons. He may tell you he was hurt in the past or he is afraid you will control his life. Now, you can have an honest discussion about the type of relationship you want. Reassure him that you want him to have space and that you are the type of person he can trust.

Tips & Warnings

• If your boyfriend refuses to commit, you may have to re-evaluate your relationship. Only you can decide what is best for you. You can't force someone to commit, and you don't want someone to feel pressured and possibly resent you in the future.

References

• "Prevention" magazine; How to Talk to a Man; Marianne J. Legato, MD
• Health Guidance; How to Make a Commitment Phobic Man Commit; Colleen Crawford