How to Deal With Sibling Jealously

Dealing with sibling jealousy helps make the whole family happier.

Raising children is a lot of work. Parents of multiple children face the additional challenge of dealing with sibling jealousy. Despite your best efforts to treat your children equally, it is inevitable that brothers and sisters will become jealous of one another from time to time. Still, parents can help their children cope with their jealousy and make each child feel loved and special.

Instructions

1. Talk to your children about their jealousy. When a child is being jealous of his sibling, sit him down and have a conversation about it. Often, a child perceives material things or time given to a sibling to mean the parent loves that sibling more. Clarify that this is not true.

2. Listen to your children equally. Listening to all sides of the story shows your children that you respect each of them and helps them feel important and valued. In times of conflict, hearing from all of your children also lets them know you will not jump to conclusions and helps show that you do not favor one of them.

3. Avoid comparing your children to each other. Contrasting a child's flaws with his sibling's strengths can make him feel as though you prefer the other child, making him jealous. Instead, leave the comparisons out and simply address the issue at hand.

4. Let all of your children know how special they are to you and how loved they are. Children who feel confident and secure will be less jealous of their siblings.

5. Let your children know that negative behavior associated with sibling jealousy, such as tantrums or fighting, is unacceptable. Explain that poor behavior will not be tolerated and encourage your children to express their feelings when they've cooled down.

6. Reinforce your children's positive behaviors. Let them know how happy it makes you to see them playing and working well together. Your children will be more likely to attempt to get along when they know it will result in positive attention from their parents.

References

• Dr. Michelle Borba; Seven Ways to Reduce Sibling Jealousy; 2002
• Positive Parenting Solutions: Sibling Rivalry -- Why Can't They Get Along?
• Canadian Living; Ask an Expert: Sibling Jealousy; Beverley Cathcart-Ross