How to Teach a Toddler Not to Hit

Teach your toddler not to hit by consistently correcting her.

Young children, especially between the ages of 1 and 4, often have difficulty expressing emotions. This can result in excessive crying, screaming, throwing objects and even hitting those around them. Teaching your toddler not to hit takes a fair amount of patience. By consistently showing your toddler that hitting is not acceptable and providing him with ways to express his emotions without harming others, you can teach your toddler not to hit.

Instructions

1. Firmly grab and hold on to your child's arm as soon as she hits someone. This will catch her attention and momentarily distract her from whatever caused her to feel the need to hit in the first place.

2. Explain to your toddler that hitting is not okay but make it clear that you understand he is upset. For example, say, "Do not hit. I know you are upset, but hitting hurts." This statement explains to your child what he did wrong, why he cannot do it again and that you understand how he is feeling. Because hitting is often the result of a lack of ability to express emotions, telling your toddler that you do know how he is feeling helps relieve a lot of his frustration.

3. Speak calmly but sternly. Your tone should convey that you are serious; speaking sweetly or acting as if what happened is not a big deal will not make an impression on your toddler. Don't scream; that just shows her another ineffective way of expressing herself.

4. Remove your toddler from the situation until he calms down. This teaches your toddler that harming other people means he cannot play with them. Setting your child several feet away where you can still supervise him also gives him a chance to calm down and think about what just happened.

5. Go about your business while your toddler remains in one place, away from any other children. After a few minutes, ask your child if she is ready to play nicely. In most cases, she will say yes, although an especially stubborn child may say no. If this is the case, continue doing what you were doing before, asking every few minutes if your child is ready to play nicely with the other children.

6. Teach your toddler to apologize after he has calmed down. Ask him to tell whomever he hit that he is sorry and have him give them a hug.

7. Show your toddler how to play nicely. If the hitting occurred over a toy, show her how to take turns sharing the toy with her friends. The key is to teach your child how she should have acted.

8. Intercept hitting if possible. This will not only protect other children, but also make it clear to your toddler that hitting is not acceptable.

References

• Parents; My Toddler Tries to Hit Me; Claire Lerner
• Fischer Price; What to Do When Toddlers Hit and Scream; Kenneth Condrell, PhD