How Do I Politely Tell My Mother to Back Off of Me?

The relationship between parents and children is complicated, and becomes more complicated as the child matures. As the roles change, it may become difficult for the parent to adapt and recognize that the child is capable of making her own decisions. This creates tension and can only be resolved through communication. These discussions should be polite, with an understanding that these difficulties generally stem from love or concern.

Instructions

1. Consider your relationship history. Decide if past issues cause you to misinterpret her advice in a negative way. Discuss these issues without using accusatory language. If there is too much negative history, you may need to seek counseling, otherwise you could continue to damage the relationship.

2. Tell your mother when she crosses the line, respectfully. For example, if you feel like she treats you like a child, explain this to her with specific examples of her behavior. Tell her that you appreciate her advice and wisdom, but you need to lead your own life.

3. Respect your mother. Acknowledge that she has valuable insights. Show her that you respect her opinions and observations, even if you don't always follow her advice.

4. Seek advice from people who know both of you. You may learn other ways to approach your mother. Be prepared to hear suggestions about improving your behavior.

5. Get counseling if you are not able to resolve these issues. You may need the help of a professional to dig into the reasons for your difficult relationship.

Tips & Warnings

• You may need to agree to avoid certain topics if they are consistently hot buttons.

References

• Troubled With: Parents and Adult Children
• Readers Digest: Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Your Parents