How to Talk to Toddlers

Getting down to their level is one good way to talk to toddlers.

When speech begins to bloom during the toddler years, toddlers may seem to talk incessantly. But getting them to listen when you need to talk to them can be a bigger challenge. By keeping in mind your toddler's abilities, you can not only share an enjoyable conversation, but you may even be able to get a point across to her.

Instructions

1. Get your toddler's attention. Toddlers are known for their wandering attention spans. When you want to talk to your toddler, get his attention by standing directly in front of him. Then get down to his level so he can see you eye-to-eye. Using his name can also help.

2. Keep it simple. State exactly what you wish to communicate clearly, using words that your toddler knows. Don't over-explain. If you ramble on too long, your toddler will lose focus of the original message. Toddlers are often satisfied with short, direct answers, even though they may continue to ask "Why? Why? Why?" after each short explanation.

3. Give choices or alternatives. Toddlers are testing out their levels of control. When you present choices to a toddler, you are giving her the opportunity to control something. But don't give too many choices, and don't offer a choice that you can't live with. You can also provide alternatives when your toddler wants something that she simply can't have. For example, if your daughter wants to finish watching a TV show when it's time for bed, tell her no, but you will read her a story instead.

4. Be firm, but don't yell. If your toddler is excited or upset to begin with, try talking in a quiet, calm voice to help calm him down. If your toddler is arguing with you, state your case firmly, and explain that you will not change your mind and that the discussion is over. Then refuse to discuss it further. This, alas, is much easier said than done.

5. Look at things from your toddler's perspective. Actually consider what your child is saying and why. Also, consider how your child will react to what you are saying back. If someone tells you "No!" in a harsh tone without an explanation, wouldn't that put you off? Try different tactics, such as spinning things in a more positive light ("Sofas are not meant for somersaults, but you can do them all you want out in the yard!," or, "Wow. That's really colorful, but now you're going to have to help me clean the paint off the table.")

6. Make sure your toddler gets the message. Ask your toddler to repeat back to you what you have said. This will help her internalize the message. Keep in mind, however, that you'll probably still have to repeat yourself dozens of times.

References

• Ask Dr. Sears: 25 Ways to Talk So Children Will Listen
• PBS Parents: Talking With Kids: Positive Ways to Talk and Listen