How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Losing Your Own Feelings

Communication is a vital part of having a successful marriage.

Successful communication is a critical part of every successful marriage. However, communication is not always easy. In fact, it is usually one of the most difficult things to learn how to do within the boundaries of a marriage. When it comes to resolving conflict in your marriage, you must learn how to successfully communicate with your spouse. Once you learn to do so, you will be able to use communication to resolve conflicts without ever having to deny, hold in, sacrifice or lose the ability to express your own feelings.

Instructions

1. Recognize your feelings. Before you start resolving a conflict with your spouse, identify exactly what you're feeling. If it helps, note your feelings on a sheet of paper and ask yourself why you feel them. Be sure not to blame all of your feelings on your spouse. Instead, ask yourself what your role has been in the development of your feelings.

2. Be honest. Holding your true feelings inside when you are communicating with your spouse is not only dishonest, it's destructive. No matter what you're feeling, verbally express it to your spouse calmly. Also express your role in why you may be feeling this way.

3. Watch your words. When communicating, express your feelings but avoid using certain words and phrases such as "you always," "you never" and any other that places the entire blame for how you feel on your spouse. Doing so will make your spouse defensive and unable to recognize, validate or listen to your feelings.

4. Choose your timing wisely. Communicating with your spouse as a means of resolving conflict and expressing your feelings isn't something you can just do at any time. You must consider the timing. Make sure both of you are well-rested and clear-headed. Trying to talk to your spouse after a long day at the office or when he's tired and hungry isn't the best idea.

5. Communicate regularly. If you bottle up your feelings inside, you'll be far more likely to explode and blindside your spouse when you finally express them. Make sure that you regularly communicate with your spouse instead of waiting for a blowout to occur. Plan times each week when the two of you sit down and communicate, express your feelings and simply listen to each other.

References

• Help Guide; Emotion Communicates; Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., et al.; October 2010
• "Hitched" Magazine; The 10 Commandments of Marriage: 2. Communicate with Your Spouse; Lynne Z. Gold-Bikin