How to Comfort a Friend Whose Closest Relative Just Died

Give your friend a hug and allow her to cry.

If your friend just lost his closest relative, he is in desperate need of your support. You may feel uncomfortable, however, because you want your friend to smile and feel better. Of course, that's not realistic, and you know that, too. Grief does not go away overnight, and the best thing you can do is let your friend know that you are there for him during this painful time.

Instructions

1. Listen to your friend. Don't interrupt. She needs to release the pain she is feeling. You don't have to offer solutions or advice. If you feel the need to do something, hold her hand or give her a hug. These things show your love and support.

2. Understand your friend's changing moods, and don't get upset. He may cry sometimes; other times he may rage at the world in anger. These are normal expressions of grief, and you must allow your friend to feel the emotions that are coming out. Don't try to stop him. He will never move on unless he is allowed to feel his grief, sadness and anger.

3. Offer to help around the house. Your friend may feel overwhelmed during this difficult time and not be able to do things like shopping or housework. That's where your services come in handy. Go shopping for groceries or bring over dinner. Your friend may forget to eat because she is so wrapped up in her grief.

4. Help your friend make something to commemorate his relative.This can be a scrapbook of pictures or keepsakes. You can even suggest making a piece of jewelry from items of the deceased.

5. Help your friend find a support group. Many bereaved people benefit from speaking with others who have lost a loved one. Call local hospitals or churches in your area to find a group. Offer to go with your friend.

6. Continue to provide ongoing support. The grieving process doesn't end overnight or even in six months. Therefore, you must not forget about your friend. Call her on the phone as much as possible. Send emails to let her know that she is in your thoughts. You should also take her out sometimes, even if it's only a quick dinner. She needs to see that life goes on.

Tips & Warnings

• Suggest that your friend get help if he becomes extremely depressed and starts drinking or taking drugs.

• If your friend talks about suicide, call a doctor. Never brush off threats of suicide.

References

• Help Guide; Supporting a Grieving Person; Melinda Smith, M.A. and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.; March 2011
• Help Guide; Coping with Grief and Loss; Melinda Smith, M.A. and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.; March 2011
• Lifescript; How to Comfort a Grieving Friend; December 2006
• BeliefNet; 10 Ways to Offer Solace; Roberta Temes, Ph.D.