How to Help My Husband Get Along With My Parents

Fighting about your parents can push you apart.

Maybe he's a bleeding heart Democrat and they're diehard Republicans, or maybe they've never gotten over the long hair and nose ring he had when you first started dating. Whatever the reasons, if your husband and your parents don't get along, you may find yourself in the middle. Trying to ignore the rift between them will only make holidays and family gatherings uncomfortable, so deal with the problem as soon as possible.

Instructions

1. Sit down with your husband and parents separately and explain that you'd like them to get along with one another better. Once your spouse and parents realize that their relationship is important to you, they should agree to make an effort to improve the relationship. Remind both your husband and your parents how important they are to you, and explain that you think you'll all be happier if they get along.

2. Plan occasional outings and get-togethers that both your husband and parents will enjoy. Visit a museum or sign up for tennis lessons together. Having an activity to focus on will give your husband and parents a common topic to discuss.

3. Help your husband get into a calm and happy mood before he sees your parents. Give him a back rub or take a walk through a garden together. If he goes into each meeting feeling happy, he may be more open to enjoying the interaction with your parents.

4. Ask both your husband and your parents to plan some events on their own turf. For instance, your husband might invite your parents to watch his softball team play, and your parents may invite you and you husband over to watch their favorite old movies. Sharing their interests with one another may help both your husband and your parents grow to understand and respect one another.

5. Make some rules. Gently but firmly tell your parents that your husband's career choices or parenting style is not up for discussion. Tell your husband that he is not to criticize your father's political beliefs or your mother's cooking. Getting both parties to agree to respect some boundaries can eliminate some tension between them.

6. Share good memories and stories about your childhood with your husband. Telling him about the good things that your parents did for you may make him feel grateful to them for treating you so well.

7. Ask your husband and parents to visit a therapist if they have such a bad relationship that it's making life difficult. The therapist may be able to help them resolve their issues through individual or group sessions.

Tips & Warnings

• If your parents don't live nearby, suggest that your husband call or email them weekly so he can keep in touch with them.

• Your husband and parents may be unable to get along no matter how much effort you put forth. In this case, you may need to get used to the idea that your family can't spend holidays all together. Ask everyone to agree to be civil when they are required to be together.

• If you have children, remind both your husband and parents to speak kindly about one another when the children are present.

References

• Family Education; When Your Mother and Husband Don't Get Along; Dr. Judy Kuriansky
• Psychology Today; The Happiness Project: Ten Tips for Getting Along with Your Mother-in-Law; Gretchen Rubin; September 2009