How to Create Two Rooms for Your Child During a Divorce

Your child needs help adjusting to a divorce. Setting up a new bedroom in a new house may be difficult for your child. Create a room with familiar objects and things your child likes in order to ease discomfort.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Talk to your child about the new living arrangements. Explain that mom and dad both love him or her and want the child to be comfortable at both houses. Answer any questions your child may have about the arrangements.

2. Ask your child what he or she would like to have in the new bedroom. Hopefully, your child will still have the bedroom at the house where all of you lived together, and only one room will need to be set up. Try, within reason, to follow your child's wishes.

3. Place the child's current bedroom things in the house where he or she will be spending the most amount of time. If this is a new house, doing so will make it feel like home. If the child will continue to primarily reside in the current house, then having the same things will increase his or her sense of security.

4. Let the parent whose house the new room is at have control over purchasing furniture and decorations, with input from the child. The other parent should not be involved unless asked.

5. Allow the child to move some of his or her current possessions to the new room without a fuss.

6. Expect your child to have mixed emotions about this situation. Anger, sadness, excitement, disappointment and nervousness are all common. Try to deal with these emotions as they come. Reassure the child that there will always be room at both houses for him or her.

7. Determine where most of the child's clothes will be kept and who will launder them. Make sure that some clothes are kept at the visitation house for emergencies.

8. Talk to your ex-spouse about setting up rules that will be followed in both homes, such as bedtime, homework requirements, etc. It is important to maintain the same rules in both homes.

9. Know that there will be a huge adjustment for all involved. No one will feel comfortable or happy about this, and there are bound to be mix-ups with clothes, homework and toys being left in the wrong house. Be patient with each other and with your child.

10. Develop a checklist of things that must travel with the child between houses - homework, lunchbox, special toys or blankets, sporting equipment, musical instruments, etc.

Tips & Warnings

• Your child may want the other parent to come see his or her new room. Make arrangements for this without a fuss, if possible. The child needs to know that both parents are still part of his or her world. Gradually, the child will understand the division that has happened in the family.
• Avoid arguing about any of these arrangements in front of or within earshot of your child. This transition will be difficult enough without the feeling that the child caused an argument.
• If your child is having a very hard time handling the changes, take your child to see a counselor or therapist.
• If you honestly believe your child will be in physical danger at the new house, see an attorney or call your local child protection agency.

[fefifofum]

on 12/17/2008 great advice