How to Calm an Upset Person
Everyone loses their temper at times. Calming an upset person is a useful skill that can be learned and applied to friends, coworkers and strangers. An upset person is usually in an irrational state of mind. The goal is to slow their racing thoughts and raging emotions enough to allow them to see the situation in a rational light. A soft, soothing voice and an empathetic ear can be enough to bring an upset person back down to normal.
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Instructions
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Remain calm. Speak slowly and in an even tone to the upset person. A harsh or abrasive tone might upset them even more. Take slow, deep breaths, and invite the person to emulate your breathing. Breathe slowly with them, while looking into their eyes, if they are hyperventilating. Allow them to take their time and breathe before asking questions.
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Lower their heart rate. Walk slowly next to them, if they are pacing rapidly. Invite them to sit down. Offer them something to drink or a tissue if they have been crying. Wait until they are visibly calmer before engaging them in conversation. Place a comforting hand on their shoulder or hand if you feel comfortable.
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Allow the person to vent their frustrations. Encourage them to express their opinions while remaining calm. Speak softly to remind them to lower their voice and their heart rate if they begin to shout or become agitated. Let the upset person speak without interrupting, unless they are making themselves more upset. Steer the conversation back on track with guiding questions such as, "I heard you mention this. Can you tell me more about why that upset you?"
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Listen with empathy. Hear what they have to say without being judgmental. Rephrase their words and repeat back to them to ensure you've understood the problem. Agree that the situation may feel upsetting, without placing blame on one side or the other. Ask what would make them feel better. Brainstorm ideas for talking through the problem with the other party.
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Stay with the person until they have regained their composure. Make sure the person can be left alone without becoming a danger to themselves or to others. Offer suggestions on how to handle frustrating situations in the future. Practice breathing techniques. Take a deep breath, hold it for five seconds, then release it slowly to the count of 10.
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Tips & Warnings
Use positive words and phrasing to avoid reigniting their ire.
Do not attempt to calm a violent person or someone with a weapon. Call the police.
Do not try to solve the problem, but allow the upset person to come to their own resolution.
References
Resources
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