How to Handle Difficult Sisters-in-Law

Choose your response wisely when dealing with a difficult sister-in-law.

When you married your spouse, you may not have realized you were marrying the rest of his family, too. If your spouse has sisters, these ladies were in his life long before you came along. Just like you, they love him, but they may not exhibit that same love and respect when dealing with his spouse. If you are attempting to handle difficult sisters-in-law, do not allow negative behaviors to influence your response. Ask your spouse for support and work together to make the best of this relationship with your extended family members.

Instructions

1. Control your response. Decide in advance how you will handle your sisters-in-law when they behave inappropriately toward you. Stick to your plan. You cannot dictate the behavior of your sisters-in-law, but you can control your own response. If you need to walk out of room, do so. If a verbal response is warranted, keep your temper under control, speak calmly and choose your words carefully.

2. Set boundaries. Talk to your spouse about the issue with your sisters-in-law and agree on boundaries. For instance, if a sister-in-law insists on feeding your child unlimited amounts of candy, despite your feelings on the matter, make it clear in a nice, but firm, way that you have a reason for this parenting decision and expect it to be honored by the entire family.

3. Ask your spouse to intercede. Put your marriage first and ask your spouse to do the same by backing you up when it comes to issues with your sisters-in-law. Do not ask your spouse to choose between you and other family members, but to honor your marriage vows and support you.

4. Talk face to face. Ask your sisters-in-law individually, not as a group, to join you for lunch and talk things out. Behave in a polite, loving manner, treating each as you wish to be treated. Explain that you all love your spouse and you want to get along as a family. Agree to disagree on certain issues, but always remain civil and respectful of each other.

5. Set time limits. Agree with your spouse on time limits if your sisters-in-law are constantly at your home or you are in social settings together. Do not feel compelled to spend every minute of every holiday with extended family members. Work out a plan to divide time between relatives. Do not refuse to attend gatherings with the sisters-in-law, but have an exit plan in place and agreed upon with your spouse in advance if an argument or inappropriate behavior ensues.

6. Let it roll off your back. Do not take every negative incident with your sisters-in-law personally. Choose to let the little things remain little and just move on. Resentment will only hurt you and, possibly, your relationship with your spouse. If a sister-in-law is behaving in a rude or inappropriate manner, smile, remove yourself from the situation, talk to someone else in the room and remember it is not worth it to lose your cool.

References

• Health Guidance: Dealing With Difficult In-Laws
• Hitched; Drawing Boundaries With Difficult In-laws; Jenna D. Barry
• Telling It Like It Is: How to Get Along With the In-Laws: Dealing With In-Laws and Extended Family