How to Forgive a Boyfriend

It's often a difficult choice to forgive your boyfriend.

It is often harder to forgive those you're closest to, than it is to forgive complete strangers. Intimacy denotes certain expectations, which is more disappointing when they're not met. The pain caused by the one you love is intensified as a result. Forgiveness is a healthy option, because the stress of anger can make you physically sick. Letting go of an offense, as is necessary when forgiving someone, frees you to move on with your life and leave the pain behind.

Instructions

1. Understand the definition of forgiveness. Merriam Webster defines the word "forgive" as giving up resentment. This means that you also release your claim to any penance, or compensation from your boyfriend. If you're not ready to let go of the resentment - you aren't ready to forgive.

2. Make sure it's an offense you can live with. If your boyfriend needs to be forgiven for abusing you in any way - consider moving on -- even before you forgive. Your safety is the most important factor in the relationship. That's right. Your safety ranks above love, passion and even - forgiveness. Forgiveness for abuse is acceptable, as long as it is from a safe distance.

3. Accept his humanity. Ask yourself if you are setting him up for failure due to an unfair need for him to fulfill all your dreams and expectations. Then ask yourself if you also secretly want him to somehow make up for all those past hurts from childhood, old boyfriends, lost career opportunities and offenses. By honestly assessing your own expectations, you can more objectively decide if some of the things he needs to be forgiven are actually your own misguided perceptions.

4. Decide whether or not you need an apology to forgive. There are times when your boyfriend will stubbornly refuse to accept responsibility for hurting you. He may say that you are too sensitive or that you misread a situation. Do the pros in your relationship outweigh the cons? Is this a rare instance in your relationship? Then forgive him, even if he doesn't apologize.

5. Love yourself. It should go without saying, that if you don't love yourself you are constantly going to find fault with your boyfriend. If you are dissatisfied with yourself you are never going to be satisfied in your relationship. Accept that he is with you because you are valuable and worthy of love and you will find it easier to overlook the small things and forgive.

References

• Marriage Builders: Can't We Just Forgive and Forget

Resources

• Merriam-Webster: Forgive