How to Deal With Teenage Disobedience

Yelling often does solve the problem in disobedient teens but ruins your relationship with them.

The first time you encounter the teenage years as a parent can be the most exhausting and frustrating experience of your life. You'll often feel like you can't reason with your teen, and that he disobeys you intentionally. Some parents just give up. With persistence and the right approach, however, you can teach your teen the value of obedience while creating and maintaining a great relationship with him.

Instructions

1. Set boundaries and talk them over with your teenager. In the child stage, you might call these rules. In the teenage stage, they are called boundaries and are seen as a contract between two people instead of a rule from parent to child. For example, a boundary might be an 11 p.m. curfew. When your teen crosses that boundary, she is disobedient. Talk about the consequences of crossing each boundary.

2. Express your appreciation for obedience, but never say "Good job!" For example, never say "Good job on being home before curfew." This can sound like you're talking to a child and come across as disrespectful. Instead, say how you feel. For example, say "Thank you for being home before curfew. It helps me to trust you better."

3. Involve your teenager in positive activities. He doesn't need to be in so many activities that he's exhausted at the end of the day, but enough that he isn't bored. These activities might be sports, volunteering, outings with the family, or working at a part-time job.

4. Stay healthy. Get the rest you need every night, and eat food high in nutrients. Don't overload your schedule. At times you might feel bored, but you'll be thankful for a simpler schedule when you need to take extra time enforcing a boundary consequence or teaching your teen.

5. Know when to walk away. Sometimes this means "pick your battles" by only approaching tough subjects when absolutely necessary. But this also means monitoring your own emotions. If you are in a situation with your teenager where you start to escalate and become angry or emotional, take a break. Approach your teen later when you can have a conversation. This allows you to communicate better and shows the teen how to react in emotional situations.

References

• Idea Marketers; Dealing With Your Teen's Bad Behaviour..."; Sarah Newton
• Healthy Children; The Disobedient Child; November 2010
• Troubled With; How to Survive the Stormy Teen Years; James Dobson, Ph.D.