How to Polish Your Manners

Polish your etiquette by paying more attention to details.

It is rare to find someone who can admit to having perfect manners. For the most part, you may hold to the philosophy that as long as you are not really harming anyone with your manners, then you are doing fine. While this may be true in some cases, certain conditions require increased attention to your manners. For these situations, you can improve your manners and prepare for such events with a little thought and some improved attention to detail.

Instructions

1. List the various activities that you do throughout your day or that you expect to do at a particular upcoming event. Include as many things as you can, such as the clothes you choose, where you will eat, who will join you for the meal, and how you will arrive at the event. For instance, if you are planning an upcoming dinner with your boss, list the clothes you will wear, the restaurant where you will meet, whether you will ride with your boss to the restaurant, and the food served at the restaurant.

2. Consider each item on your list carefully. Ask yourself what will be appropriate for each item, such as the proper clothes for the restaurant. Consider what each item says about you as a person, such as an inexpensive meal suggesting that you are frugal or an indulgent meal suggesting that you are not entirely focused on your boss.

3. Make a second list of appropriate conversation points to bring up, and consider your audience when making this list. Add safe topics, such as mutual interests or personal taste. Prepare to answer questions on more difficult topics. As an example, your boss may bring up something from work, asking you to make an assessment on a coworker, and you should be prepared to give her an honest and careful answer.

4. Practice your manners before you need to use them. Ask your partner or spouse out for a date, and challenge your etiquette at a new restaurant. Make considerate decisions and practice paying attention to details, such as where your napkin goes or how to react to questions from your date. Practice your etiquette in other situations until it feels like an unconscious part of your life, integrated into the way you act and think.

5. Review your etiquette after each situation, asking yourself what you can improve and how you can improve it. Remind yourself that etiquette is about your attention to detail and your awareness of others around you.

References

• "A Short History of Rudeness: Manners, Morals, and Misbehavior in Modern America"; Mark Caldwell; 2000
• "Tiffany's Table Manners for Teenagers"; Walter Hoving; 1989