How to Help a Passive Aggressive Woman

Seeking therapy may help a woman with passive aggressive tendencies.

On the outside, a passive aggressive person seems to be normal, responding to the needs of others and acting appropriately. In reality, they behave negatively and passively resist demands with behavior such as stubbornness, pretended forgetfulness, dawdling or deliberate inefficiency. Dealing with a passive aggressive person is frustrating: you may feel shut down or dismissed, but in such a subtle way that you may doubt yourself or not know how to react. Passive aggressive women in particular are recognized by their fear of taking responsibility and avoidance of conflict. You can take several steps to help a woman avoid passive aggressive behavior.

Instructions

1. Use assertive communication to confront the woman directly, ask her if she's angry with you and tell her how her behavior makes you feel. Describe her behavior in a non-malevolent way and tell her how it creates a problem. She may be so used to acting this way that she doesn't realize how it's affecting her relationships and hurting others.

2. Challenge her in a non-threatening way if she tries to deny the problem. Point out any inconsistencies between what she is saying and what she is doing.

3. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship with the woman. You may be showing overt aggression that the woman is trying to avoid. Make it safe for the woman to freely express her feelings and not act out in anger.

4. Ask her for ideas to improve the situation. When her ideas are brought out in the open, often the need for indirect and passive communication is eliminated.

5. Do not engage her in a power struggle or let her see her passive aggressive behavior bother you. You reinforce and reward the behavior when you are visibly bothered by it, and it will be more likely to occur again. Ignore passive aggressiveness whenever possible.

6. Encourage her to seek counseling or therapy from a doctor or psychologist specializing in personality disorders. She may have Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD), a condition characterized by chronic negativity and passive resistance. PAPD is often treatable with antidepressant drugs and cognitive therapy.

References

• Depression-guide.com: How to Get Rid of Passive Aggressive Disorder
• Proactive Change: How to break the cycle of passive-aggressive behavior in relationships
• The Sideroad: Dealing with Passive Aggressive Behavior