How to Deal With a Smart-Mouth

Address sarcastic remarks immediately to keep them from coming.

Parents have been dealing with backtalk for centuries, but that doesn't mean it has to go on forever in your home. Understanding and patience can help halt a person with a smart-mouth, according to information on the Family Education website from Jim Bozigar, head of community outreach at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh. The motivation to use a smart-mouth in communication with others can stem from a desire to feel powerful, spitefulness or aggressiveness. When dealing with a smart-mouth, positive results may not come immediately, but with persistence and self-restraint you can achieve your goal.

Instructions

1. Say calmly "I would like to understand how you feel, but when you say hurtful things it makes me upset."

2. Suggest that the child take a timeout to think about those smart comments. If you're dealing with a teen or an adult, walk away and allow the other person some space to think.

3. Approach a younger child after a few minutes of timeout and ask why he spoke that way to you. Be prepared for more smart comments and respond with "I expect you to speak to me respectfully, please."

4. Write a teen or an adult a letter explaining why you don't appreciate the behavior. Approach that person after she's had time to read it and say you would like to discuss it. Make it clear you respect that person and you expect the same in return.

5. Tell a young child that a smart-mouth is not acceptable and if the child chooses to continue speaking that way, consequences will follow. Decide on some appropriate consequences for your child's age group and explain them so everyone understands.

6. Enact the consequences as necessary for children after saying "You are being disrespectful and that's against family rules." Walk away from a teen or adult who makes sarcastic remarks and discuss them later. Reiterate your expectations for respect.

Tips & Warnings

• When dealing with a person with a smart-mouth, keep your interactions private. For instance, if other people are present ask them politely to leave the room while you address the problem.

• Keep understanding and patience at the forefront of your communication and actions.

• Never resort to yelling, belittling or responding sarcastically. Those methods are ineffective.

References

• Pearson Education; How to Handle Back Talk; Ann Svensen
• Disney Family.com; Arguing and Back Talk; Elizabeth Pantley
• The Master Teacher; The Smartmouth; 2002