How to Resolve an Argument with a Friend

Talking out your argument is the only way to move past it.

Friendships often help you grow as a person and can be a source of joy as well as support and acceptance outside of your family. However, just like romantic or family relationships. friendships can be complicated. Arguments occur and you or your friend's feelings are hurt. You can move past your argument and have a stronger connection with your friend.

Instructions

1. Cool off. Rarely does a conflict get resolved right after it happens, even if both parties want to. Emotions are too high and feelings are too wounded. Give your feelings and your friend's feelings time to heal before you meet to talk. Depending on the severity of the argument, waiting a few hours to several days may be appropriate. This also gives you a chance to reassess, calmly, what was said and how you feel about what happened.

2. Be prepared to listen. You must keep an open mind and try to see your friend's viewpoint, even as it differs from yours. If your friend says something you said or did was hurtful, resist the urge to deny it or explain why your friend shouldn't be upset. Respect your friend's feelings and interpretation of the situation

3. Make eye contact and keep your body language open. When people assume they'll be rejected or disagreed with, their body language becomes closed. Closed body language includes such things as putting your arms across your chest, turning away from your opponent, and discontinuing eye contact. Your body language sends subtle messages and can be off-putting. Stay open and look your friend in the eye.

4. Compliment your friend and tell her you care for her. These words are very powerful when you begin to communicate about an argument. If your friend knows you want to work out your disagreement she will be more open to your opinions and feelings too.

5. Allow for small concessions. If your argument involves more than one point of disagreement, give your friend the benefit of the doubt on something and concede. This will build up trust and respect between the two of you. You don't have to be right all the time, especially on points that have no "right" answer but are a matter of opinion.

6. Apologize and accept apologies. A verbal apology is the key to conflict resolution. Even if you discuss what happened and agree to disagree and put it behind you, old feelings of resentment can remain without saying the words "I'm sorry." Practice to them to yourself out loud, if necessary, before you meet up with your friend.

Tips & Warnings

• Sometimes a conflict is too hurtful or deep for two people to resolve on their own. If this happens, get an impartial third party to mediate your dispute and conflict resolution conversation.

References

• Oprah; Let's Not Fight!; Sara Reistad-Long; May 2008 issue

Resources

• CBN; How to Resolve an Argument With Your Mate Every Time; Dr. Greg Smalley