How to Not Yell at Your Kids
Most parents yell, usually out of sheer frustration at having to repeat the same set of instructions to seemingly oblivious children. However, while it may be common, yelling at your kids is not an effective form of discipline, according to a March 2009 article on the Children, Youth and Women's Health Services website. In fact, children soon switch off from a yelling parent, leading to a frustrating breakdown in communication. Changing your approach to discipline is usually enough to reduce the need for shouting, resulting in a happier, calmer household.
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Instructions
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Take time to praise your children, and give them credit where it is due. Avoid falling into the trap of continually telling them off for bad behavior without ever offering praise for good behavior. This sends a message to your children that bad behavior gets your attention. They will also become frustrated if their good behavior is never recognized. Let them know you are proud of them, and celebrate small achievements. This should improve their confidence and their behavior.
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Avoid issuing empty threats, as this teaches children that their actions, good or bad, do not have any serious consequences. For example, if you threaten to send them to bed early for fighting, keep to your word. Give short, simple instructions making it absolutely clear what you expect from them and what will happen if they choose to ignore you. Even children of toddler age will respond well to learning their behavior has consequences. Knowing your children take you seriously is important and should lower your stress level.
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Count to 10. This simple, yet effective, strategy works best when you feel yourself becoming frustrated or angry. Rather than yelling at your kids, count to 10 and give yourself chance to calm down and refocus. Ten seconds may not seem like a long time but it is just enough to regain your composure.
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Give your children a fair chance at good behavior. This means not setting them up for potential trouble, suggests Isadora Fox in a February 2005 "American Baby" article. For instance, instead of constantly telling them not to take the batteries out of the television remote, move it somewhere they cannot get it. If they keep playing with the faucets in the bathroom, do not allow them in there unsupervised. If you find yourself constantly repeating a warning, rather than yelling, think about what you can do to remove the problem.
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Lead by example. Effective discipline should teach your children how to control their behavior, says Perri Klass, M.D., in "Parenting." Because children learn many of their social skills from their parents, it is important you are able to exercise good self-control. If they see you dealing with your frustrations by yelling, they are likely to copy your behavior.
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Tips & Warnings
Seek support from your partner, friends and family. Parenting is stressful, frustrating and exhausting. A good support network is important and will help you be a calmer parent.
Think about what you are saying to your children. Negative comments and name-calling can have a lasting effect on a child's self-esteem. For example, avoid saying "stupid boy" or "silly girl."
References
Resources
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