How to Resolve Passive-Aggressive Silence

Dealing with a friend who gives you the silent treatment can be challenging.

For some people, being ignored is worse than being yelled at. When someone chooses to express his or her anger toward you by employing the silent treatment, you may feel as if a door has been slammed in your face. This kind of expression-by-nonexpression is known as passive-aggression. If you are at the mercy of another person's silence, there are techniques you can use to break the ice, initiate dialogue and solve the problem.

Instructions

1. Confront the passive-aggressive person's behavior, as soon as you are able to do so calmly. Apologize to the person for anything you may have said or done to hurt him, and express a willingness and desire to sit down and discuss the matter rationally and respectfully.

2. Maintain your self-respect. Do not over-apologize or beg the person's forgiveness. The silent treatment is not a mature way to resolve a conflict, so don't let it drive you to apologize for something that is not your fault, or to plead with the person to speak to you.

3. Offer to visit a counselor if necessary. Mediation with an unbiased professional can help resolve conflicts.

4. Suggest that you communicate initially by writing. A person who is unable to express anger verbally may be able to put it into words with pen and paper, or in an email.

5. Walk away, if the silent treatment persists. Let the person know you are ready to talk when he is, then refuse to be manipulated by the behavior any further. If passive aggression is not reinforced or acknowledged, the person is more likely to change his behavior.

References

• Empowering Parents: Does Your Child Give You the Silent Treatment? 6 Rules for Getting Kids to Talk
• Dr. Phil: Relationships/Sex: How to Spot and Deal with Passive-Aggressives
• Families: Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Manipulator