How to Make an Effective Apology

Find a place where you can sit down and explain how sorry you are.

The act of apologizing is immensely powerful and can go far to mend a relationship. As Dr. Aaron Lazare, who wrote the book "On Apology" notes, apologies are one of the "most profound" interactions that take place between people. An effective apology can be the beginning of a better relationship. Yet that does not mean the act of apologizing is easy. You will have to swallow your pride and make an effort to show that you are sincere and want to heal the rift.

Instructions

1. Believe in the reason that you are apologizing. In order to make an effective apology, you must know in your heart that you are wrong. You cannot make an effective apology if you don't believe the words you are saying.

2. Show empathy for the other person's feelings. In order for your apology to be taken seriously, you should let the other person know that you understand his or her pain. Let the person you are apologizing to know that you would feel bad too if the situation you are apologizing for was reversed.

3. Be specific when apologizing. Own up to your fault. For instance, if you yelled at your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to state that you are sincerely sorry for yelling at him or her.

4. Explain why you behaved in the manner that you did. Let the other person know, for instance, that you yelled because you were having a bad day and your temper was frayed. By doing this, you show that you care enough about the other person to give an explanation. Remember though, an explanation is not an excuse. You must acknowledge that you were wrong.

5. Make amends for your behavior. Let the other person know that you feel bad and want to make it up to him or her. For instance, you can say that you want to take the aggrieved party out to dinner. Alternatively, you can ask the other person what he or she would like you to do to show that your intentions are true and that you are sincerely sorry.

References

• The University of North Carolina: The University of Ombuds Office; Elements of an Effective Apology; Marsha L. Wagner; 1999
• "Psychology Today"; The Science of Effective Apologies; Guy Winch; December 9, 2010
• "O, the Oprah Magazine"; Always Apologize, Always Explain; Martha Beck; September 2004
• "The New York Times"; Why Is It So Hard to Apologize Well?; Lisa Belkin; July 2, 2010