How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Involving Stepchildren

Make your wedding a special event for your whole new family.

Your wedding ceremony is a special event but it can be even more special if you find creative ways to include your future stepchildren. They are part of the new family you are creating, and giving them a chance to share in your special day is a loving way of showing them that they hold a special place in your growing family. You can get them involved in the earliest plans for your wedding, even holding a special party that represents their contribution to your wedding. During your wedding you can expand your ceremony to include them in a few very special ways.

Instructions

1. Get your stepchildren involved in your wedding from its earliest stages. Sit down with your future stepchildren, after you decide to get married, and discuss what the upcoming marriage will mean, discuss the changes they should expect, and tell them you want them to be a part of your ceremony. Take time and answer their questions about your marriage.

2. Involve your stepchildren in the decision-making process before your wedding. Ask for their opinions on the cake and consider their suggestions on the location. Give them the feeling of inclusion and try to honor some of their suggestions during the process.

3. Host a themed party for them around the time of your own parties. Focus their party on your family, giving them gifts that represent the relationship that you hope they with you. For instance, if their future stepfather enjoys fishing, give your kids some new fishing poles and a few lures at their party, suggesting something that they can do together.

4. Include your stepchildren in your vows by writing your own vows, or by just including their names into the traditional vows. As an example, when it comes time for their stepfather to give his vows, they can include, "I James, take you Jill and your beautiful children Mark and Jane..."

5. Give your stepchildren roles in the ceremony that are appropriate to them. If one of your stepdaughters is young, give her the responsibility of being your flower girl. If one of your stepsons is older, ask him to give the bride away. Let other daughters represent the bride as bridesmaids.

6. Include a special ceremony for your stepchildren that demonstrates their place in your new family and shares the experience with them. For instance, plan a small sand ceremony directly before the main vows, where each stepchild and each parent is given different colored sand and a larger vase. Each pours the sand into the vase together, mixing their sand and demonstrating how each of their lives are combining.

Tips & Warnings

• Discuss the inclusion of stepchildren with their natural parents prior to including them in the ceremony.

• Make sure your stepchildren are also comfortable with their role in your wedding.

References

• Being A Step Parent; Involving Stepchildren in Wedding Plans; Elizabeth Grace; November 2010
• Marriage Missions; Vows to Your New Children -- It's Never Too Late; 2011