How to Foster Respect in Teens

A respectful teen will carry the benefits of respect throughout life.

As they enter adolescence, many teens experience strong emotions and the need to both stand out from the crowd and fit in with peers. Respect usually isn't a priority. As a parent, teaching and fostering respect in your teen is one of the greatest gifts you provide. A respectful teen is thoughtful and polite toward family, peers, authority figures and himself. He respects many different viewpoints and lifestyles. The benefits of fostering respect will last his whole lifetime.

Instructions

1. Model respectful behavior. Display respectful behavior whenever possible so that your teen has a positive role model and will be more likely to listen to your advice. Avoid speaking disrespectfully about people with different lifestyles, cultures or beliefs. Handle personal conflicts with maturity and compassion instead of aggression. Treat your teen with respect by listening seriously to her opinions and noticing and praising good behavior.

2. Observe and identify disrespectful behavior. If your teen is disrespectful, observe his behavior for a few days or weeks and identify problem areas. He might be disrespectful and rude towards you or his teachers, signaling a problem with authority. Or, he may make intolerant comments about people or groups of people. Some teens disrespect themselves with risky behavior, such as substance abuse or unhealthy relationships.

3. 

   Discuss respectfulness with your teen, including benefits and challenges.

   Discuss respectful behavior. Ask your teen how she feels when she is treated disrespectfully herself or about any negative consequences she's experienced when behaving rudely. If she has problems in a specific area, such as authority figures, help her examine the reasons behind this disrespect. Brainstorm ways to increase respect. For instance, if your teen feels peer pressure to behave disrespectfully, she can expand her circle of friends or stand up against rude, intolerant behavior.

4. Monitor and discuss media choices. Movies, TV shows, books and magazines can have a strong impact on your teen's behavior. Try to avoid media that represents intolerance, violence, sexism, rudeness and other forms of disrespect. With your teen, discuss whether that behavior seems glamorous or not. Point out that media doesn't usually show realistic consequences.

5. Set rules. In the home, work with your teen to set ground rules. Let your teen know that yelling, aggression, rudeness, insults or other disrespectful behaviors won't be tolerated. Discuss consequences and reinforce them if your teen breaks the rules. Set boundaries that are acceptable to you both. For instance, if your teen respects your curfew and house rules, you agree to respect his privacy or clothing choices.

Tips & Warnings

• Encourage community involvement. Volunteering gives your teen firsthand experience with the local community. Engaging with a variety of people exposes your teen to a range of views and cultures. It illustrates the importance of compassion and politeness. .

• When a teen acts disrespectful, avoid aggressive punishments. Reacting with anger and hostility will only build up more resentment instead of addressing the real issues.

References

• Dr. Robyn Silverman; 10 Tips on Teaching Respect to Children; April 2008
• "The Times Observer;" Teach Your Teens How to Give and Get Respect; Janet Forbes; November 2009
• RespectRX: 10 Ways to Use RESPECT In the Classroom