How to Deal With Feelings of Rejection by a Husband
You trust your spouse to provide you with many of your needs for love, acceptance and attention, and when that doesn't happen a feeling of rejection occurs. Rejection ranges from not having some of your needs met to more serious things such as separation, infidelity and divorce.
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Instructions
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Talk to your husband when you feel rejected, hurt or angry about a situation. He might not realize that he has done something that has caused you to feel that way. Use 'I' statements to avoid blaming him, which can cause defensiveness and a lower level of communication. For example, say "I felt hurt when you canceled our dinner date. I felt excited about it all week." This puts the responsibility of your feelings on you but allows him to understand how you were affected by his actions.
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Spend time with friends, have fun and be happy on your own in life. Don't rely on your husband to meet all of your needs; you'll feel rejected and hurt often because you're expecting too much from him. Instead, fill your life with things that make you happy and focus time on them. If you don't have many friends, take a class or learn a new hobby to meet people and engage your attention.
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Think about your husband's situation and have empathy and compassion for him at times. If he's extremely busy and stressed out with work, he might not have as much time to spend with you. Instead of looking at this as rejection, re-frame the situation and look at it as his dedication to his career and creating stability for his family. Tell him that you appreciate his hard work. This should make him feel good, which could help him reach out to you more.
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Write down all of the things you appreciate about your husband. Have gratitude for the things that he does, says and that make you feel good. Tell him more often about these things instead of nagging him about things that he doesn't do. If he feels he's never good enough, he might stop trying, which can lead to feelings of rejection.
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Go to a couples therapist if you aren't able to communicate about your feelings in a way that's helpful. If you're fighting, or infidelity is occurring, or divorce or separation is on the table, you might not be able to handle it on your own. A couples therapist can help you learn how to talk to each other and see whether your marriage is worth saving.
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References
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