How to Move Forward After an Emotional Affair & Betrayal
There are few things more damaging to a relationship than betrayal in the form of an affair. The idea of forgiveness and moving forward can be hard to accept when the very foundation you built on has been rocked so drastically. Although regaining trust after an affair is challenging, it can be done if both partners are willing to be introspective and open, and truly have the same end goal of fixing what has been broken and moving forward.
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Instructions
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Seek out professional counseling. Whether you initially attend together or feel you need to start out separately, it is helpful to discuss your feelings and concerns with someone who is trained to help you direct your energy in a way that will be most helpful for your healing process.
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Discuss whether or not your goals are the same. Are both of you committed to trying to make the relationship work out? What do both of you see happening as a way to regain trust? Again, the direction of a qualified counselor is helpful in this discussion.
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Determine the motivation for the infidelity. Understanding why you or your partner cheated is one of the most important steps to preventing future occurrences. Working on the root of the problem together can help create unity as a couple as well as enlighten both of you to underlying problems in your relationship that can be addressed.
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Give and be willing to receive honesty. Withholding information might seem like it is protecting your partner, but being honest about what happened is a necessary part of moving forward. The more the cheated-on partner knows, the fewer questions there are to dwell on.
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Understand that the healing journey is not going to be linear. Be prepared to be patient with the "one step forward, two steps back" process of healing and regaining trust. Look to your partner on days you need extra reassurance, and voice your needs and concerns in a non-hostile way. Remember that as long as you are both taking the steps to repair trust and show your love, you will get to a better place even if it takes a while.
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Tips & Warnings
Getting a counselor or therapist you trust is a good idea to help navigate the turbulence of a relationship after the disclosure of infidelity. Aside from being under the guidance of a professional who can help you examine your feelings and motivations, you can also see joint therapy as a "safe place" to discuss tricky topics. A therapist can help keep the conversation effective and help you determine what you need to work on as a couple from week to week.
References
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