How to Deal With Your Niece
The extent and importance of kinship relations have varied throughout history and around the world. In some cultures, extended family members such as aunts and uncles play an important role in raising children to adulthood. In others, these members take a more marginal role. According to an interview with academic Robert Milard, author of the book "The Forgotten Kin: Uncles and Aunts," dealing with---or, in other words, maintaining a successful relationship with---your niece can be done through various communicative practices that are often specific to each extended family. In many circumstances, this means offering to help your sister or brother with their child when she is young, and later acting as mentor to older nieces (and nephews) with advice, counseling or simply listening to your niece's concerns about school, friendships, family/friend/romantic relationships, and careers.
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Instructions
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Invite your niece to activities such as a sporting events, theater performances, concerts or a meal and allow the experience to be a time when you share your own stories and life experiences. Particularly if you do not have children of your own, this is a chance for you to offer your niece insight into the world that her parents or guardians may not give her. As you are relieved from parenting responsibilities and disciplining, your niece may find your insight and life lessons learned not only interesting but relevant to her own. As AARP.org points out, your niece may see you as one of the "cool" adults in her life.
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Set boundaries with your niece. If your niece is spending time at your house, always make clear what the house rules are and that when she comes over she should abide by them---such as not eating food on the couch or clearing your dishes when you are finished eating.
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Be a role model to her and lead by example. Email and answer the phone when your niece reaches out to you in order to build trust and be a positive figure in her life. Envisioning the impact your behavior will have on another human is a way to live a healthier life for yourself as well.
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Offer productive and constructive advice to your niece. Regardless of her age, aim to not punish or give negative feedback. Moreover, disciplining is generally considered to be the domain of the parents and your relationship with your sister or brother may be strained if you discipline their child without their permission. Your relationship with your niece may be more meaningful if she feels she receives positive feedback from you.
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Maintain a strong relationship with the parents of your niece and let them know that you are available to help. Moreover, if the relationship between her parents is strained, be available to your niece by phone, by stopping by, or, if you don't live close, online. Milard suggests that when parents divorced, children found an important source of support in their aunts and uncles which helped them through an emotionally difficult period.
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Ask for advice from your niece in subjects or skill areas that she likes or is good at, such as computer or mobile phone skills, painting, cooking, or math. Asking for advice not only shows that you appreciate her skills or interests but may build her self-esteem.
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Allow your niece to help you or offer advice to you, particularly as she reaches young adulthood. This is a way that a niece shows that she cares and helps her develop a sense of independence and self identity. Reverse mentoring can be mutually enriching for aunts and uncles as well.
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Tips & Warnings
There is no right or wrong way to be an aunt or uncle. Family configurations depend on a complex constellation of factors, some of which you may not control. Simply do the best based on your current circumstances and be honest with your family about your abilities.
Using negative or inappropriate language, punishing or physically disciplining your niece (or nephew), or behaving hypocritically will likely be considered hostile and can generate distrust and inflict emotional or physical pain on your family members.
References
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