How to Build Communication & Intimacy in Covenant Marriages

Covenant marriages keep God at the heart of the relationship.

The joining of two lives is never a simple process. When you and your spouse entered a covenant marriage, you knew the journey would be long and require hard work, but you also knew that the reward of a closer, more intimate relationship would be well worth the effort. A covenant marriage builds on the understanding that God should be a large part of your relationship and should impact your interactions with your spouse to help you grow closer together.

Instructions

1. Pray with your spouse each day. One of the reasons you chose to enter a covenant marriage was to keep God at the center of your relationship. Prayer is one very effective way to stay focused on the religious aspect of your marriage. If you don't feel comfortable praying out loud, simply pray silently together while you hold hands. Pray about your finances, children, commitments, worries and sex life. There is no topic that is too scary or big to pray about. Likewise, no worry is too small to be included in your prayers.

2. Spend time with other couples who are committed to their relationships. Covenant marriages focus on staying together and avoiding divorce when times get tough. Choose your friends wisely to build up your marriage relationship. Realize that if you hang out with people who are unfaithful to their spouses, who are okay with the idea of divorce or who don't respect the opinion of their spouse, it will be more difficult for you to remain strong in your convictions.

3. Lift up your spouse through positive affirmation. Talk about things you appreciate or are excited about. For example, maybe you love it when your husband makes the bed in the morning. Tell him about it. If you enjoy it when your wife makes you hot cocoa while you watch the game, let her know how much you appreciate that gesture.

4. Approach difficult topics with gentleness and compassion. If you have a problem with your spouse or you've been fighting lately, approach the issue with kindness and understanding. Avoid yelling at your spouse or blaming her for the problem. Remember that there are two sides to every story and that your spouse's perspective of the issue may be very different from your own.

5. Avoid talking about your marriage problems with friends. If your husband looked at pornography or your wife spent too much money on shoes, avoid the urge to rush and vent about it to your friends. Instead, talk to your spouse directly about the problem and discuss ways you can overcome the issue as a couple.

References

• The Covenant Marriage Movement: Couple Support
• Religious Tolerance: Covenant Marriages: Marriage With a Difference: Harder to Get Into, Harder to Get Out of