How Do I Get My Husband to Quit Ridiculing the Kids?
Every child has the right to be respected and treated in a fair and non-derogatory manner. Some parents speak to their children in way that ridicules and belittles them. In some cases, the child just cannot win and the parent ridicules the child regardless of behavior. Often children will rebel against the treatment when they grow older. Your responsibility is to love and nurture your child so that she feels loved, confident and worthy. Supporting your husband even if you disagree is misplaced loyalty. While it is not helpful to undermine your spouse, you need to step in if he is ridiculing your children.
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Instructions
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Be a role model. Try to listen to your children and respect them. By not making fun of or ridiculing your children, you send a strong message to your children that you do not accept your husband's behavior. You are also modeling parenting skills to your spouse. In some cases, parents who ridicule their children have been belittled when they were younger.
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Involve your husband in the care of your children and talk to him about things that the children have done during the day. Seeing children as individuals with positive characteristics and features is vital. Talking about how your children felt when something happened to them during the day will make your spouse understand that children have feelings that need to be respected.
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Praise your children in front of your husband when they deserve to be praised. Use a sticker system to encourage your children to behave in positive manner, and discuss together with your spouse what sort of behavior you expect from your children and what sort of behavior the children should expect from you. This is a way to help your husband to realize that no one likes or deserves to be ridiculed.
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Research the local library for books about feelings. There is a wide range of books about feelings suitable for both younger and older children. Ask your husband to read these books with your children. A good vocabulary to express your feelings is important for both children and adults.
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Spend time doing activities together as a family and support your husband in his role as a parent. Discuss the activities later together and try to praise the positive aspects of the experience. Focus on finding situations where your spouse behaved in a positive way and talk about how the children felt and reacted when he did. It is easier to change behavior if you focus on increasing the positive aspects, rather than trying to change the negative behavior. With time and patience the amount of ridiculing and belittling will decrease.
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Tips & Warnings
Choose a time for discussions with your husband with care and make sure that your children are safe.
There are various degrees of emotional abuse. If you are concerned about your spouse's behavior seek professional help. Signs to look for include your children not developing physically, mentally or emotionally, speech problems and self-depreciation such as "I'm stupid and ugly."
References
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