How to Get Past a Death

Crying is a healthy way to express your emotions.

Death is a fact of life, but one in which no one is prepared. It may take you years to fully get past the death of a loved one because emotions are complicated and each person grieves differently. Therefore, you must treat yourself kindly and give yourself time to heal. It will not be easy, but one day you will get to the point where you see the beauty and joy in life again.

Instructions

1. Seek the support of your family and friends. You need to speak about your feelings so that you can recover. Don't think you have to suffer in silence. You will not get better if you pretend everything is OK. You can also join a support group in your area. It may help you to hear how other people have dealt with pain and heartache after a death.

2. Express your feelings. It may seem easier to try to ignore the pain and deny your grief, but it will eventually come out in the long run. When you feel sad, allow that feeling in. Allow yourself to cry. You do not need to be strong and hold back the tears. If you are angry, acknowledge the anger. These are all healthy ways of dealing with the grief you are carrying in your heart.

3. Write your feelings down. This may help you if you are having a hard time expressing your emotions. Write in a journal. Talk about the love you had for him. Alternatively, write a letter to the person expressing your feelings. Tell the person things you meant to tell him when he was alive. Write whatever comes into your mind. This is a healthy way of expressing yourself.

4. Take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to rest. Take long relaxing baths. Sometimes, people forget to eat during the throes of grief, so make a conscious effort to eat, even if it's just a small snack. You don't need to get sick during this difficult time. Stay away from alcohol and drugs to numb the pain.

5. Make a goal. It can be a simple goal such as going to the movies with friends in a week. Perhaps you have not left the house, so this is a reasonable goal. Make other goals for long-term, such as going on a trip or taking the cooking class you always wanted. You need to find joy and hope in life again.

6. Get counseling. You may be feeling depressed or anxious. That's OK to admit. Counseling can help you. A qualified counselor can help you work through the many emotions you are experiencing.

References

• HelpGuide.org: Coping with Grief and Loss
• Focus on the Family; Coping with Death and Grief; Patricia Johnson
• Healthy Place: Helping Yourself and Others Deal with Death
• Hospice: What do We Need During Grief?