Conversation Skills: How to Say No Nicely

Remove stress by not saying yes to everything.

When you want to be a good friend or family member, you may have a difficult time saying no when you are asked for favors. It's normal to want to help out your loved ones, but sometimes your own life is heavily scheduled or full of emotional conflict that needs your undivided attention. In these cases, learning to say no graciously and without garnering animosity is a useful skill to have, as well as a way to reduce the levels of stress in your life.

Instructions

1. Acknowledge the importance of the event or service to which you're saying no. Use phrases like: "That sounds like a great opportunity," or "What a worthwhile cause!" Doing this assures the other person that you value their needs and projects and shows that you aren't simply brushing them off.

2. Thank the person for asking you. The person asking thinks you have the skills for the task they are asking you to do, so try to feel flattered that you were asked. That they asked is a reflection on your professional and personal achievements.

3. Say no simply, with kind remarks. Use phrases like: "Thank you for asking, but I can't at this time," or "I must decline, with my regrets." You are not obligated to explain why you have to say no. Learning to say no without giving excuses can be empowering and reduces the amount of guilt you may feel for saying no.

4. Value your time. Sometimes, saying no leaves you with a sense of guilt for not lending a hand. Remember that everyone needs time to get their own work done, time to spend with family, time to relax and time to complete other projects you have said yes to. Previous engagements, including rest time, are a valuable use of your time.

5. Offer a raincheck, if it's a task you are interested in performing. If the need to say no is due to time constraints and you'd like to help out in the future, let the person asking for your service know that. If it's something you have no interest in doing ever, end the request with a "no, thank you," with no further explanation.

Tips & Warnings

• Communication styles differ greatly. You may feel you can be more direct with one person, but have to navigate a more passive style with another person.

• Saying yes all the time adds stress and can wear you down, even to the point of physical sickness. Learn to strike a balance between the things you say yes to, and the things you decline.

References

• Mayo Clinic: Stress Relief: When and How to Say No
• Oprah.com: The Power of No