How to Save a Marriage in Which You Regret Marrying Your Spouse
It often happens that a marriage hits a fork in the road and a crucial decision needs to be made about the future. When a marriage is at such a low point that you might even regret the fact that you married your spouse in the first place, it signifies that a major change needs to take place -- and fast. A couple either needs to get on the path to serious change or end the relationship for good.
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Instructions
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Spend time together. A lot of marriages fail simply because couples do not make the effort to get in any much-needed "alone" time together. It can be extremely easy for couples to get into the routine of work, children and housework, which can be very neglecting for a marriage. Go out of your way to spend time with your spouse. Organize a weekly date where the two of you can connect, whether you hit the movie theater or take a walk at the beach. Do what you need to do to nurture the emotional bond that you share (or at least once shared).
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Have your own lives. At the other end of the spectrum from togetherness is working on your own identities. Although it is crucial for married couples to spend time together, it also is just as crucial for them to spend time apart, as well. Excessive togetherness can lead to suffocation and, as a result, resentment. Encourage your spouse to have her own friends and interests, and do the same yourself. Supporting your differences will serve to make your relationship more interesting and strong.
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Communicate. Good communication is the goal for all marriages. If you fail to talk openly with your spouse, you run the risk of drifting apart even further. Share your lives together, from your hobbies and work concerns to your dreams and aspirations for the future. Marriages can never work if couples hide behind walls and do not speak honestly and freely with each other. Also be sure to communicate your fears and worries, including those about your relationship. Never let things boil inside of you. Your spouse is supposed to be a support network for you. Listen actively to your spouse as well. Be open to the words coming out of his mouth. Abstain from interrupting him as he speaks. Interrupting him indicates that you do not value his thoughts as much as your own.
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Remember the positive things. When a marriage is on the brink of ending, it can be really easy for both parties involved to completely forget what drew them together in the first place, especially if they regret the whole situation. Stroll down memory lane together and remember the good times, such as the innocence of your first meeting in high school science class, your wedding day, or the birth of your first child. Smile and open yourself up to thinking positive thoughts about your spouse.
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Compromise with each other. Marriage is a teamwork situation. As a result, compromise is the key to lasting marriage success. If the two of you differ in any way, be creative and figure out how to resolve the situation instead of fighting and harboring resentment. Alternate which families you visit on big holidays, for example. When there is a will, there is a suitable compromise, too.
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Be romantic. Life is busy, life is stressful, and life is tiring. Having said that, those things are still no excuse for forgetting about romance. Show your spouse how much you appreciate her in order to save your marriage and keep the passion alive. Engage in small gestures that can mean so much, from telling her how beautiful she looks without makeup on and surprising her with last-minute dinner reservations to giving her a hug as she walks in the door after a tough work day. The little things can go a long way when it comes to a marriage.
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Work on yourself. Marriage is no excuse to let yourself go. Keep your body healthy and physically fit, and expect the same type of effort from your spouse. Eat a nutritious diet, get regular exercise, and keep yourself well-groomed. If you pay zero attention to yourself, you convey to your spouse that he is not important enough or worth the work to you.
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Tips & Warnings
Be patient. Saving a relationship that is full of problems doesn't come overnight, and neither does change. If you really want to save your marriage and eliminate feelings of regret, tough it out and do all that you can to salvage the situation. Do not bolt at the first indication that saving the marriage might not be as easy as pie.
References
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