How to Impress a Guy in Fifth Grade

Know important baseball stats to impress your fifth-grade guy.

Guys in fifth grade, usually ten or eleven years old, are not too hard to impress. But you should brush up on a few of the following skills and fill in certain knowledge gaps to better impress them.

Instructions

1. Perform feats of strength. If you throw a dodge ball so hard at someone that it "leaves a red mark afterward," a fifth-grade guy will be truly impressed and will probably tell his friends about it later. All other feats of athletic strength will be looked upon with equal admiration.

2. Build your knowledge store. Fifth-grade guys are impressed by factual knowledge, particularly knowledge that pertains to subjects of interest to them. These will usually include knowing all the stats from the past five years for each player on his favorite baseball team; knowing at least 20 different species of dinosaurs, how they captured or obtained their food and their different anatomical parts that protected them from other predators; and knowing what is the fastest commercial sports car and how fast it goes. For extra points, mention something like, "I would love to own [fill in the blank with the above sports car type] and drive it just once on the Autobahn." Every fifth-grade guy knows what the Autobahn is; or at least, he knows that wherever it is, there is no speed limit.

3. Demonstrate unique skills. There are various special skills that you can master to impress a fifth-grade guy. For example, consistently make eight out of 10 (from at least eight feet away) in the game of paper football. Be able to instruct him or to speak knowledgeably to him about how to write letters in invisible ink. Be able to hang a line of spit from your mouth at least two feet long and then suck it back in. Be able to honestly tell a story about a time when using Morse code got you out of a sticky situation. Show him how to catch a fish with your bare hands. These special skills will impress any fifth-grade guy.

4. Show interest in his life. Though knowledge, strength and unique skills will impress a fifth-grade guy, nothing will leave a stronger or longer-lasting impression than showing genuine interest in him and his life. This can range from knowing his favorite professional baseball team to being in tune enough with his life to notice when he's not feeling his best. If you take time out of your schedule to be with him---to take him biking or to build a Lego ship together---he will know that you genuinely care about him. This interest in his life will impress a fifth-grade guy more than any knowledge or skillful feat ever could.

References

• Parent Guide to Fifth Grade