How to Help a Mother With a Bad Past

A mother in handcuffs can't hold a child.

Mothers with a bad past, including those with prison records, need advice and assistance when it comes to learning and gaining valuable skills as a successful parent. Get help from the start. Don't try to advise or intervene on your own. A mother with a bad past has heard it all, and it will take a crew to help her change. Choose one or more of these problem areas: addiction,prostitution, theft, incarceration, drug dealing and violent crimes. A child needs a mother and the mother needs your help. Go to the applicable section of this guide and get started.

Instructions

1. 

   Addiction can hold a mother tighter than her child does.

   Help a mother beat her addiction. Addicts don't think rationally when their addiction is calling; even a mother's love may not be strong enough to help them win the fight. Programs for addicts have pretty good track records. Try the First Steps program and see if you can persuade her to give it a shot. Short of that, numerous 12-step programs can encourage addicts to admit they need help. You can also find a Narcotics Anonymous group in your area and urge her to attend meetings; if possible, attend meetings with the mom you're helping. Be prepared to call family members to care for the child during setbacks.

2. Mothers with prostitution in their backgrounds require special care. They may look at themselves as worthless, and therefore not worth of any help. Contact SAGE-Standing Against Global Exploitation, and see if you can get help there or get any referrals. Also, find a good psychologist that can help people, such as mothers, with prostitution problems. At the same time, contact your local city hall to find out what kind of job training resources can help your friend. Money issues may drive her back to her old behaviors. First Steps may also help with job training.

3. 

   Stealing can steal a child away from its mom.

   Mothers who have committed robbery face the danger of losing their child if caught. Robbery, burglary, or shoplifting are not good qualities a mother should have. Experts claim this kind of behavior stems from psychological problems rather than financial ones. You won't stop a thieving mother by yourself. You need a professional, like a therapist, who can help the mother understand why she steals. Start with the American Psychological Association and get some referrals.

4. 

   Incarcerated mothers suffer from separation from their children.

   Incarcerated mothers have resources they may not know about. The WPA Law Project, formerly known as the Incarcerated Mothers Law Project can help. Your goal is to help the mother establish a bond with her child, so that one day they can be together. This means lots of leg work and phone calls for you, because she can't do it from prison. If the incarceration was in the past, focus instead on job training (First Steps) and counseling. Many formerly incarcerated mothers need to deal with the sense of shame they feel.

5. Mothers who sell drugs not only run the risk of getting caught, they also associate with unsavory people who shouldn't be around children. Your intervention can range from helping her get counseling to threats of calling law enforcement. This can make you an enemy, but in the long run it can help the child. There mere threat of calling a child protective services agency in your city may help turn her around. Get help from Narcotics Anonymous, and urge your friend to go to their meetings. Even if she doesn't use drugs, it will help her to learn from those who do.

6. 

   Violent women need the most help to become good mothers.

   Mothers who have committed violent crimes can be dangerous to themselves, their children and to you. You cannot handle this yourself. She may seem and calm, but you must seek professionals to help her. Insist she see a therapist or her parole officer and attend Violence Anonymous meetings as a condition of your help. This is tough love. You must think of the child first and be firm.

Tips & Warnings

• Get your own counseling when you start helping a mother with a bad past. You can easily get drawn in to her way of thinking and live your life in crisis management. Start by asking for referrals to therapists who handle codependency. You have to make sure her dependence doesn't become your codependence.

References

• Herald-Tribune: First Step Program
• American Psychological Association: Getting Prostitutes off the Streets
• The Telegraph: Untrained workers to receive help
• Woman's Day: Why Nice Women Steal
• Canoe: Are Women Becoming More Violent?

Resources

• American Psychological Association
• First Steps
• The WPA Law Project
• The Probability of Getting Rich Selling Drugs
• Narcotics Anonymous World Services
• Violence Anonymous