How to Love a Pessimist

Pessimists need both love and understanding.

While a pessimist may be a person who views the proverbial glass as half empty, and more often than not, focuses his attention on the negative rather than the positive, it is perfectly possible to love him and be loved by him in return. After all, pessimists are people, too. They need both love and understanding as much as anyone does, if not more so, especially love and understanding from those people who have a tendency to view life through rose-colored glasses.

Instructions

1. Form an understanding of why your pessimistic loved one feels the way she does. More often than not, there is a reason why people have a tendency to focus on the doom and gloom rather than on the bright side. Perhaps something happened to her in her childhood; maybe it's simply in her nature. Whatever the reason, you owe it to yourself and to the person whose pessimism is getting to you to try and understand her side of the story. After all, not everyone can be as happy-go-lucky as you are.

2. Bring some enlightenment, balance and perspective to your significant other with your look-on-the-bright-side attitude. Focusing on the negative can often be a full-time job, making a pessimist a killjoy, so it's good to have an optimist around to lighten the mood from time to time. Don't negate the worries and concerns of your die-hard pessimist, but reassure him that life is good, especially when you are in good company.

3. Lend her your ear. Like most pessimists, the love of your life might find it difficult to let go of stressors in everyday life. Whether her stress is brought on by rush-hour traffic, an insubordinate co-worker or the cashier at the grocery store, allowing her to vent may help her to release some of that negative energy. It may also provide you the opportunity to reposition the problem, providing another perspective that might be less stressful.

4. Keep in mind that your positive attitude can be just as frustrating to your pessimistic partner as his pessimism is to you. Just as you tire of the same old negative attitude, your significant other might find your sunshine and rainbows attitude to be just as incomprehensible. Acceptance is key in this case, as it is in every relationship. You must be accepting of your partner, allowing for those imperfections that make him who he is.

5. Keep the conversation constructive without offending or creating conflict, even though you won't always agree with the pessimist in your life. This isn't always easy to do, especially when emotions get heated and feelings begin to flare. The trick is to try and remain objective, even though the negative energy may be wearing on you, and you are beginning to feel perpetually deflated. Be open and honest, but don't argue with a pessimist; neither one of you will win.

References

• Navigating Life; The Pessimist; Lynn Marie Sager

Resources

• Business Week; How to Handle the Pessimist on Your Team; Amy Gallo
• Rod Smith: Difficult Relationships: I'm Married to a Pessimist
• Tech Brew; The Constructive Pessimist; Mark Woodman; September 2007