How to Move on From Past Relationships

The end of a relationship can be traumatic.

No matter how bad a relationship is when it ends, breaking up is a painful process. Many people find that it takes about half as long as the relationship lasted to get over a past relationship. The time required to get over a relationship is dependent on a number of factors including how invested you were in the relationship, how strong the relationship was and how helpful your support system of family and friends is.

Instructions

1. Take time to heal. Many people are so devastated by the loneliness they feel after a breakup that they immediately jump into a new relationship. This approach is only likely to increase the time it takes to get over your ex. It's important to take time to grieve after a relationship ends. Though this grief can be painful, it is an important part of the process of moving on.

2. Avoid sex with the ex. Breakups are rarely clean and clear-cut, and exes often continue to be in contact with one another. Many people have sex with their ex after they have broken up. This strategy is not going to bring the two of you back together. Instead, it reopens old wounds and exacerbates heartbreak.

3. Stay busy. After a breakup you may want to crawl into a hole and never come out. The depression people feel over the loss of a relationship can be debilitating, and socializing may be the last thing you want to do. However, spending time with friends and focusing on cherished hobbies is one of the best ways to cope with the pain of a breakup. Do something you enjoy every day, even if you have to force yourself to do it.

4. Learn from the relationship. Every relationship, no matter how bad, can teach people valuable lessons about themselves including why they choose certain people, what they want out of a relationship and what their relationship weaknesses are. As long as you blame your ex completely for your breakup, you will be unable to move forward. Focus on what you can learn about yourself in order to do better in your next relationship.

5. Reflect on what you want. People frequently enter into relationships based solely on feeling, without thinking about what they need from a relationship. Take stock of what's important to you. Make a note of your relationship deal-breakers and qualities you must have in a significant other. Don't settle for someone who does not meet these standards.

6. Get help. If you're having trouble moving past your relationship or are suffering from thoughts of suicide or extreme depression, get help. A qualified therapist can help you to work through your grief and move on from your relationship.

References

• "The Breakup Workbook: A Commonsense Guide to Getting Over Your Ex"; M.J. Acharya; 2009

Resources

• Pyschology Today: Find a Therapist