How to Break the Cycle of Divorce

Children of divorce can try to break the cycle.

Children from divorced homes are sometimes afraid to get married themselves when they reach adulthood because they are afraid of becoming divorced. In some cases, children of divorced parents do go on to choose the wrong relationships and do end up divorced themselves. In fact, according to CNN Living, when one partner comes from a divorced family, the couple has a 50 percent higher chance of divorce. If both partners come from divorced families, the risk is increased by 200 percent. It takes a conscious effort not to follow the path of your parents.

Instructions

1. Learn from the divorce your parents went through. Focus on what went wrong in their relationship and vow to yourself not to follow that same pattern. If you are on good terms with your parents, speak with them and let them help you see the mistakes they made.

2. Create a list of traits that you want in a future mate and what you would like your marriage to be like. This list can be tweaked as you get older and date more people, but it will help you focus on what you want out of life. Finding someone with whom you are compatible decreases your chances of becoming divorced.

3. Analyze each long-term relationship you are in to check for compatibility. Some people end up divorced because they settle into relationships that aren't necessarily what they want, but they are afraid they cannot do better. Never settle.

4. Evaluate yourself and identify the areas that you can improve to strengthen your marriage. For instance, if you find yourself distancing yourself from your partner when times get rough, make an effort to reach out to him instead and lean on him.

5. Wait to marry until you know your partner well and have had time to age and mature on your own first. Some adults who grew up in divorced homes crave stability and love and often rush into marriage before they are ready.

6. Seek out counseling for yourself before you get married to ensure that you have dealt with the emotional damage you suffered as a child. It can also help to seek premarital counseling with your future spouse to build a stronger foundation on which to build your marriage.

7. Commit yourself to working on your relationship. Too often, one or both partners are not committed to doing everything they can to ensure the success of their marriage. Agree to do everything you can to save your marriage if issues arise, including seeking help from a counselor or minister.

References

• CNN Living; Children of Divorce Vow to Break Cycle, Create Enduring Marriages; Stephanie Chen; September 2010
• Newsweek; Breaking the Divorce Cycle; Barbara Kantrowitz; January 1992