How to Communicate With a Soon-to-Be Ex-Husband

You must communicate during the divorce process.

The man who once stole your breath away with a single look has now become the one person you can't stand to be around. Unfortunately, you must communicate with your soon-to-be ex-husband during the divorce process. Whether it's to decide who gets custody of your pets or to discuss the sale of your home, communication during this period is essential to surviving your divorce and terminating your relationship.

Instructions

1. Focus on "I" statements. An "I" statement puts the blame on yourself, rather than focusing on your spouse's shortcomings. For example, instead of saying "You don't get the car," say instead, "I would like to have the car."

2. Play nice in front of the children. If you have kids together, try to be as kind and civil as possible when you're speaking in front of them. Even if your spouse isn't around, avoid making nasty comments about him to your children. Remember that he is their father and that they love him even if you don't. Make a deal with your spouse to be as kind as possible in front of the children to avoid playing the kids off one another.

3. Avoid picking fights because you're bored or hurting. Regardless of how long you were married, nobody knows how to push your spouse's buttons like you do. Don't give in to this temptation. Even if you just want to make one snide little remark about his haircut or his weight, remember that this will only harm your communication efforts in the long run. Keep it civil.

4. Use a mediator if you cannot be civil or courteous to one another. A mediator is a neutral party who can help you and your spouse communicate during this time. While you can always ask a friend to help you out, a neutral party, such as a mediation lawyer or a pastor, is usually best.

References

• South Carolina Family Law Blog; How to Communicate During and After the Divorce Process; J. Benjamin Stevens; June 2009
• Dr. Phil; Divorce Survival Tips; Areva Martin