How to Arrange a Jewish Memorial Service

Arrange a proper Jewish memoral service according to tradition and law.

Judaism prescribes specific laws, customs and traditions for a family that prepares to mourn a deceased family member. When a loved one passes away, many people derive comfort from the traditions of their religion or culture. If you need to arrange a Jewish memorial service, you can maintain proper Jewish traditions by following Jewish law -- Halacha -- for death and mourning.

Instructions

1. Tear the clothing of the close relatives of the deceased. Before the memorial service begins, the rabbi or another official will rend, making a symbolic tear in the collar or shirt sleeve of the parents, spouse, siblings and children of the deceased.

2. Prepare a simple memorial service which will precede the funeral. Halacha mandates that the family and community show the utmost repect for the deceased, including guarding a dead body - mett - from the time of death to the burial, ritually cleansing the body and organizing a quick burial on the same day of death, if possible. A Jewish memorial service will not include a viewing of the body, as Jewish law regards this as a disrespect to the mett.

3. Assign one or more of the mourners to give a eulogy -- hesped -- describing the deceased's good deeds, good character and God-fearing attributes. The hesped traditionally includes memories of the deceased person and a summary of the spiritual inheritance that the survivors received from the individual. In many congregations, the speaker delivers the hesped in the presence of the coffin or, in Israel, in front of the wrapped body.

4. Recite traditional readings as part of the memorial service. Memorial readings include the Kel Maleh Rachamim prayer, the "What is Man" reading and Psalm 23.

5. Procede with the second part of the memorial service, the bechi. These words, still spoken in the chapel, express the distress of the community and the family at the passing. During the bechi the speaker will reiterate the loss that the deceased's family and friends will feel at the passing of their loved one.

6. The mourners follow the casket or wrapped body to the grave site where they lay the deceased to rest. Starting with the immediate family, mourners take turns shoveling dirt into the burial plot. At this point, the close family members first recite the Kaddish prayer for the dead. Close family members will continue to recite this prayer three times each day during the succeeding 11 months. The family erects the tombstone later, according to their tradition. Some Jewish communities erect a tombstone after seven days while others wait 11 months or a year to put up the tombstone.

References

• Chabad: Funeral Service and Eulogy
• Chabad: Soul Talk
• Chabad: The Basics
• AISH: ABCs of Death and Mourning
• Orthodox Union: Kaddish
• United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism: Guide to Jewish Funeral Practice