How to Help a Son With a Father's Death
Few events are as challenging to a family as the death of one of its members. When a father dies, his widow may need to offer support to her son. Men are traditionally seen as being less emotional than women (except with respect to anger), and therefore may be less able to express their grief. Many will bottle up their feelings after a tragedy. There are several support mechanisms a woman can rely on to help her son cope after the death of his father.
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Talk about the tragedy -- nothing helps assuage pain like communication. This is especially true for men, who tend to suppress their emotions. However, verbal communication isn't the only kind that can be helpful; non-verbal communication can be just as effective. If the son doesn't want to talk, don't underestimate the power of touch. Even a brief holding of hands or a comforting hand on the shoulder can communicate your sympathy.
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Ensure he has enough space. There are points in the grieving process when he may just need to be left alone, even for relatively long periods such as a day or two. This is normal -- don't assume you have to cheer him out of his funk or provide constant company. People who are grieving can go through many stages as they come to terms with their grief -- processing it in private is one of them.
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Encourage the son to participate in an activity or sport. If he doesn't play a sport, suggest he take up a hobby such as photography or playing a musical instrument. It may even be a good time to get him a pet, such as a cat or dog. Activities and pets won't compensate for his loss -- he will still need to come to terms with his grief eventually -- but may help him in his grieving process.
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Contact a therapist if you feel the son is still struggling to recover from the shock -- this is particularly pertinent if he is a child or teen. If the son is an adult, you may assume he will eventually come to terms with the death of his father. Recognize that sometimes, even a man who copes perfectly well in other areas of his life may struggle to cope when his father dies.
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Keeping a journal of positive memories about his father can be therapeutic. Persuade the son to keep a daily diary. Each day he can write down a good memory about his father, or he can describe how he feels about his father's death on that particular day. Even jotting down a short sentence can be therapeutic, and can help the son deal with emotions he doesn't want to speak about.
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