How to Get All of Your Friends Back

It's just not as fun without friends.

If you've entered the no-friends zone, you don't have to resign yourself to the status quo. Friends part ways for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to save your fractured relationships. Even if you've alienated yourself from your entire social circle, it might still be possible to get all of your friends back, as long as you're sincere and willing to make an effort.

Instructions

1. Identify what went wrong. Sometimes friends drift apart because they move or become caught up in their own busy schedules. Other times, it's due to a change in interests, an argument or even a betrayal. Whatever the reason, it's important to pinpoint the reasons why you and your pals have parted ways; you'll be equipped with the knowledge you need to avoid similar mistakes in the future.

2. Make the first move. Don't wait for your long-lost buddies to contact you. If you want to mend a friendship, you'll need to swallow your pride. Don't wait to pick up the phone, mail a card or send an email; the more time that elapses, the harder it is to reconnect. Even if you feel you did nothing to create the distance, you need to stick your neck out if you truly want to reconcile with friends.

3. Apologize for your part in the problem. Let your friends know that you understand how your behavior has contributed to the rift, and tell them you're sorry. An apology that comes from the heart goes a long way in softening up hurt feelings.

4. Focus on the positive. Avoid playing the blame game or overanalyzing the events that led up to your split. Attempting to rehash the issue that came between you is likely to emphasize negative feelings. Instead, simply -- and sincerely -- explain how much you miss chatting or just hanging out, and how hopeful you are that your friendship can get back on track.

5. Maintain your friendships. Resolve to become a better BFF through your words and actions, and make time to nurture your friendships. True friends take time for each other, even when busy schedules get in the way. Maintaining friendships means being less selfish and more available to lend an ear, a helping hand or just a few laughs when a friend needs it.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep making new friends. Put yourself out there and meet some new people who share your interests. There's always room for a few new pals, even if you've reunited with some old ones.

• Prepare for the possibility that a few of your friends might give you the cold shoulder. Some relationships simply can't be saved; move on with the satisfaction that you took a risk and did your best.

References

• Redbook; How to Make Up With a Friend; Ellen Welty
• Canadian Living; How to Mend a Friendship; Cynthia Reynolds
• "Psychology Today"; Five Tips for Mending a Tattered Friendship; Irene S. Levine, PhD; October 2009
• "Psychology Today"; Could You Be a Toxic Friend? 5 Sure Signs; Irene S. Levine, PhD; October 2009

Resources

• "Time"; You Gotta Have Friends; Robert Putnam; June 2006
• MSN Lifestyle: Miss Manners; How Can I Get My Friend Back?
• "Woman's Day"; How to Mend a Friendship; Denise Schipani; October 2009