How to Get Divorced Without Ruining Your Life

A less acrimonious divorce may be possible.

Divorce is a major life event and you are likely to find it stressful and painful. There are some cases, however, when divorce also brings a sense of relief. If the parties have been unhappy for a time, life might actually become easier when they part. Even if the idea of divorce is a welcome one, it will not be easy. You will have complex feelings which may include guilt, a sense of failure and anger. This is normal. However, you do not have to become one of those people unable to move on with their lives due to anger and bitterness about their divorce, even years after the divorce takes place. If you prepare yourself to not to let this happen in the early stages of divorce, you will have a happier future.

Instructions

1. Discuss the possibility of mediation, if you think there is any possibility of an amicable divorce. Sam Margulies, Ph.D., argues that the very adversarial nature of the normal divorce proceedings can cause additional pain as well as financial and other difficulties, (see Reference 1). That is because one party's lawyer is only going to view the situation from that person's point of view. Mediation, on the other hand, encourages a more impartial view that may ultimately be easier for both people to live with.

2. View the situation as realistically and calmly as you can. Most people are unhappy in a divorce situation, but it may be tempting to retrospectively view your marriage through rose-colored spectacles. The truth is usually that divorce is probably a last resort and you have tried many measures to make your marriage work. Thirdage.com recommends that you look honestly at the beginnings of your relationship and question whether your choices were right even at that point, (see Reference 2). This may help you to make more successful choices in the future.

3. Allow yourself time to grieve for your marriage and do not expect to bounce back too quickly. Accept that you may not make the best decisions in the immediate period after your divorce. Take things slowly, especially with new relationships. Get comfort from supportive family members and friends. If you feel particularly low and find it difficult to move forward, consider seeing a counselor.

References

• Not Alone: Introduction: Getting Divorced...Sam Margulies, Ph.D., J.D.
• Third age; 10 Steps to Recover from a Divorce or Breakup